Ticker TV Insight- Interview with Mike Loder on authenticity in the workplace
Last week I was interviewed by Mike Loder on Ticker TV in what was a really interesting discussion. To listen to the interview see the link below or read the full interview transcript.
Last week I was interviewed by Mike Loder on Ticker TV in what was a really interesting discussion. To listen to the interview see the link below or read the full interview transcript.
Mike Loder
Hello and welcome back to Ticker Insight. I'm your host, Mike Loder, and my first story for now. And we all hold conflicting views of self, multiple perspectives of who we are and how we should act. And as leaders, these selves seem to be a constant tightrope walk, negotiating personal and professional lives. Joe Hart is the founder of leadership consultancy True Perspective and is here to help us unpack these thoughts. Welcome to you, my friend.
Joe Hart
Thank you, Mike. Great to be here.
Mike Loder
No worries at all. I think this is a really important one to discuss because I mention that everyone has these two sides of the coin, but in your book you say that honesty and perspective are key to effective leadership. Is a time for leaders to live more transparently, do you think?
Joe Hart
Absolutely. It's always been really important for leaders to live with transparency. I guess when I talk about honesty, I'm talking about honesty with self. It's one thing to not lie, I think it's incredibly important for everyone to show up and be truthful, but to be really honest with yourself about what is it that you're doing, what are you engaged in, are you actually in the right role at work? Are you actually a leader? And is that what you really want to be doing? Because it's an important role and honesty is incredibly important in terms of being a leader.
Mike Loder
I think it's very difficult for some people to be honest at times, especially in their workplace. Got to keep going, got to keep moving, not say how they're feeling, etc. But how is important is self-development for leaders at this time, is it absolutely critical?
Joe Hart
It always has been important and I think now it's probably more important than ever. It's really easy, especially as a leader, to want your team to have all of the development opportunities thrown their way. I think leaders need to take a look at themselves and actually know what they need for themselves because that is going to help develop their team. And it's incredibly important to prioritise that as a behaviour. It role models the right sort of behaviour for your team and demonstrates that that's what's important to continually evolve and develop as a leader yourself, it’s not about giving it to everyone else, give it to yourself first, be selfish with it and that is probably the most selfless thing you can do as a leader.
Mike Loder
Absolutely, Joe, selfish is not always an ugly word, but authenticity is another key buzzword at the moment. How important is this for employee buy-in, and do you think when it comes to being your authentic self, it’s really important?
Joe Hart
It is a bit of a buzzword and unfortunately sometimes gets a bad rap. When people say, “you lead with your truth” and “my truth”, it can sometimes turn people's noses up, which I really appreciate. What I'm talking about when I'm saying being authentic is don't be afraid to bring yourself to work and I see a lot of leaders, or even as a psychologist myself, not wanting to fully open up about some of your challenges or what's going on for you. I talk about it in my book, the importance of discovering who you are by disclosing who you are. And when you disclose, a sense of reciprocity kicks in and people want to give more of themselves as a result. So this really lovely process happens, and this ripple effect of sharing happens as a result. So don't be afraid to throw it out there. You can never know how people are going to respond. And I hear people say it all the time, it's like, “Oh, well, I know that's not going to be good”, or “I know that's going to be career suicide”. How could you possibly know that? So just go there, have a go at being who you are and see what happens, and I count on it, you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Mike Loder
Totally, your mind starts going, all of the negative things that could happen, sort of catastrophizing, I suppose. But should self-reflection lead from the top down to employees as well, do you think, Joe?
Joe Hart
Absolutely. I think self-reflection is something that we all need to engage in, whether it be journaling, whether it be an opportunity to sit quietly with yourself and reflect on how you've behaved and how others have been behaving around you and in response to your behaviour. Self-reflection should be something that everyone engages in. And of course, the senior leaders in your organisation, whether they be right at the top, they need to be role modelling that and engaging in self-reflective behaviour as well.
Mike Loder
Yeah. Just to finish, what key factors do you see are impacting engagement, do you think?
Joe Hart
The same things have always been impacting engagement. Really what we're talking about is the leader. The leader in the organisation is the single biggest factor that influences how people feel at work. Research from Gallup and other organisations demonstrates that about 70% of the variance in what you're feeling at work is accounted for by that behaviour demonstrated by your leader. So if you're a leader or aspiring to be a leader, you really owe it to everybody and yourself to show up, be honest, and be authentic, because that's what's going to impact everybody else's experience. To step outside yourself and demonstrate a bit more empathy in terms of what you're doing. By that, I mean to allow people to give you feedback so you can see yourself the way they're seeing and experiencing you. So I think a lack of that is probably affecting engagement negatively.
Mike Loder
It's not always easy to look in the mirror, I suppose, as well. Joe, I really appreciate our chat, and love to get my hands on your book because I really enjoyed our discussion today. I think it's a really important one to consider. So thank you for your time and your insight.
Joe Hart
Thank you so much, Mike. Appreciate it.
WANT HELP?
Need help getting your team to ‘play’ nicely? Are you looking for support with managing life on a personal and professional level? Got someone in mind that you think could benefit from talking with me? Book in your obligation free first session to see if I’m the right fit for you or your team.
NEED HELP WITH CULTURE, OR TEAM ENGAGEMENT?
As a registered Organisational Psychologist, I’ve got the skills and capability to help you master your culture and engagement challenges. I also spent 7 years working for GALLUP, a world leader in engagement, discovering the best strategies to engage your team, enhance productivity and increase profitability. Book in a call below to discuss how I can support you.
Did you like this Article?
If you liked this article, have a look at some of my other articles here or sign-up to my list to receive my articles directly into your inbox each week. If you think someone might like to read them too, simply forward this email on to them.
CHECK-OUT WHAT ELSE I DO
I love writing articles but just in case you were wondering, it’s not all I do. Have a look at my website to discover some of my services, what my clients say about me, and some other interesting facts.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME
I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.
If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825
Help me see myself the way you see and experience me: True Perspective
I do a lot of work with people to help them understand how their actions and behaviours impact others, which I see as an honour and privilege. However, I can’t lose sight of the importance of the work I do with others and how I need to do that for myself.
I’m writing a book that is due for publication in February 2022. The concept I’m exploring in the book is True Perspective, helping people see and experience themselves the way the rest of the world sees and experiences them. For anybody who is serious about doing the work necessary to grow and evolve, this book is for you.
To help with the content of my book I’m asking you to provide me with some honest feedback, some true perspective of my own. It’s incredibly important to me and I will be so grateful for your contribution.
Here is a short video I’ve created explaining true perspective and how you can provide me with some feedback.
If you are happy to jump straight in, please click on the following link to fill out the very short survey.
Take the survey here:
Employee Engagement: Five things you need to know
In October last year, Gallup published the 10th Employee Engagement Meta-Analysis, the world’s largest study linking business performance outcomes to measures of employee engagement. The study revealed the same results consistent with previous iterations - Teams, or business units, scoring above average (in the top 50% of the database) more than double their odds of success compared to teams scoring below average on engagement. More specifically, highly engaged teams outperformed their poorly engaged teams by 10% customer loyalty, 23% profitability, 18% productivity and a staggering 81% absenteeism. After reliably replicating this finding over a 20+ year period, there is no denying the importance, and significance of ensuring the engagement of your team/business sits at the apex of your business's strategic objectives.
In October last year, Gallup published the 10th Employee Engagement Meta-Analysis, the world’s largest study linking business performance outcomes to measures of employee engagement. The study revealed the same results consistent with previous iterations - Teams, or business units, scoring above average (in the top 50% of the database) more than double their odds of success compared to teams scoring below average on engagement. More specifically, highly engaged teams outperformed their poorly engaged teams by 10% customer loyalty, 23% profitability, 18% productivity and a staggering 81% absenteeism. After reliably replicating this finding over a 20+ year period, there is no denying the importance, and significance of ensuring the engagement of your team/business sits at the apex of your business's strategic objectives.
The truth is, engagement still features as a formality for many organisations, a tick-the-box exercise to demonstrate that they ‘care’ and want to ‘listen’ to their employees and provide them with a ‘voice’. While there are some organisations out there doing a great job, I’m still astonished at the number of organisations that stuff this up….and by organisations, I mean the people that work in them (you know who you are!).
The reason why employee engagement catapulted Gallup to success back in the ’90s is that they were the first organisation to demonstrate the consistent link between how employees felt, and how organisations performed. It seems like a no-brainer, the happier your people are, the more productive and profitable they will be. Like most powerful ideas, the research merely confirms a timeless truth that we all intuitively know. The real challenge is to take action, now that there is no denying the truth.
Recently, I was reminded of how poorly most organisations apply the knowledge that engaged employees lead to better business outcomes. A client of mine shared that they received the results from a recent employee engagement survey and the results weren’t good. Rather than take this as an opportunity to learn, understand and deepen the opportunity for change, the executive director gave them all a lashing for ‘being so selfish’ and not appreciating how ‘good’ they have it. My client shared that the message was received loud and clear “you’d better give better scores next time otherwise, things won’t go well for you around here”. This was further tainted by some speculation that their executive director needed good engagement scores to achieve an annual bonus.
This is a familiar, and horrible example of how NOT to use employee engagement surveys. Furthermore, it reinforces the importance of measuring employee engagement for the right reasons. To help you establish if you are on the right path, consider the following list:
1) If you don’t want the truth don’t ask I.e. you aren’t willing to accept any feedback from the team, no matter how harsh or confronting…don’t bother asking them at all. You’ll do more damage asking for their perspective and not actioning the results than you will if you don’t ask them at all.
2) Don’t make engagement scores key Performance Indicators. If you must tie them into KPIs, make sure you keep them at the senior executive level and ensure that the focus is on change or improvement in engagement coupled with a measure of taking action or belief that action will be taken.
3) Don’t shield your team or organisation from the truth. If engagement is low, and the data supports this, people already know. They did provide the feedback after all. I know it’s tempting to ‘protect’ people to avoid panic but in reality, people aren’t stupid. The talented people are already looking for other jobs so by facing up to the truth, you are far more likely to engage your best in turning things around.
4) Stop making engagement an ‘HR’ thing. Yes, HR should be involved, but they shouldn’t ‘own’ the result or the follow-up. In many cases, HR holds on to engagement too firmly so this is also something to be aware of. Engagement is measured at the individual level and reported at the group or team level. Anything to enhance engagement needs to start at the individual level and be discussed at the team level.
5) Recognise that engagement as a construct existed long before Gallup or any other organisation reverse engineered questions to measure it. You don’t need a survey to identify if people are feeling a bit ordinary about things. Open your ears, walk the floors, talk to people. The process of listening changes how people feel, as long as it’s done genuinely. If the survey has become a routined tick-the-box exercise, it’s time to find another way to identify the truth.
WANT HELP?
Need help getting your team to ‘play’ nicely? Are you looking for support with managing life on a personal and professional level? Got someone in mind that you think could benefit from talking with me? Book in your obligation free first session to see if I’m the right fit for you or your team.
NEED HELP WITH CULTURE, OR TEAM ENGAGEMENT?
As a registered Organisational Psychologist, I’ve got the skills and capability to help you master your culture and engagement challenges. I also spent 7 years working for GALLUP, a world leader in engagement, discovering the best strategies to engage your team, enhance productivity and increase profitability. Book in a call below to discuss how I can support you.
Did you like this Article?
If you liked this article, have a look at some of my other articles here or sign-up to my list to receive my articles directly into your inbox each week. If you think someone might like to read them too, simply forward this email on to them.
CHECK-OUT WHAT ELSE I DO
I love writing articles but just in case you were wondering, it’s not all I do. Have a look at my website to discover some of my services, what my clients say about me, and some other interesting facts.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME
I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.
If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825
Are you addicted to saying yes?
Last week while eating my breakfast, coffee in hand still letting my body wake-up for the day my daughter asked me a great question. “Where’s your dream holiday destination?” Without thinking too deeply I responded “Kakadu for a Barramundi fishing tour”.
Her eyes widened a bit and she nodded in acknowledgment. I then said, “you know where Kakadu is right?”. She gave me a slight nod….then a smile…then said “I actually don’t know”.
I asked her why she nodded if she didn’t actually know where it was. She laughed and said “I don’t know…I just did”. While innocent, it highlights how easy it is to fall into the habit of simply agreeing or saying yes to everything.
Last week while eating my breakfast, coffee in hand still letting my body wake up for the day my daughter asked me a great question. “Where’s your dream holiday destination?” Without thinking too deeply I responded “Kakadu for a Barramundi fishing tour”.
Her eyes widened a bit and she nodded in acknowledgment. I then said, “you know where Kakadu is right?”. She gave me a slight nod….then a smile…then said “I actually don’t know”.
I asked her why she nodded if she didn’t actually know where it was. She laughed and said, “I don’t know…I just did”. While innocent, it highlights how easy it is to fall into the habit of simply agreeing or saying yes to everything.
I then proceeded to tell her about all the people of worked with over the years that have been addicted to saying yes….total yes junkies…the people that have an inability to simply let somebody know that they don’t know, or they aren’t able to do what they are being asked or they aren’t sure what they are being asked to do.
I’ve coached plenty of people over the years that have this aversion to saying no or feel the need to say yes to everything. I can wholeheartedly say that when yes becomes a habit, it creates more problems than it solves. At this point, I’ll share a great TED talk by Shonda Rhimes, the brains behind TV shows Greys Anatomy and Scandal. In her talk, she shares her story about how saying yes to everything for a year changed her life for the better. I love the TED talk and admire her personal transformation, but I disagree with saying yes to everything. I think it’s great clickbait, but horrible advice. In Shonda’s case, she refers to saying yes to playing with her daughter…no matter what. For a super busy person that puts work above all else, this was a massive commitment, but it wasn’t exactly saying yes to everything. Also, given her youngest daughter was only five at the time, a focussed 15min session of play was enough to satisfy her commitment most of the time.
I appreciate that if you’re a yes junkie, then kicking the habit cold turkey by replacing it with a ‘no’ might be a tall order. Instead, come up with a strategy to buy yourself some time before you over-commit yourself or agree to do something that you really don’t want to do. A simple strategy plenty of people use effectively is to say “Let me have a look at my existing commitments/priorities and I’ll come back to you”.
For those of you that are battling with a power dynamic, like a CEO that is demanding you drop everything, I want you to try the following. Imagine you were the CEO and the board was applying significant pressure on you to perform on behalf of the shareholders. It’s understandable that you might have a little more acid in your tone or be less tolerant of others. However, as the CEO you still want people to challenge you, provide you with important insights and have the courage to say ‘no’ or push back when necessary. How patronising is it to have people around you that simply say yes to your every suggestion, all the while they don’t believe in what they are doing?
What’s the moral of the story? practice saying no, being honest and having the courage to speak up. Saying yes to everything is lazy and the fastest way to diminish your value. A well-considered ‘no’ is more valuable than 100 lazy yes’.
WANT HELP?
Are you looking for support with managing life on a personal and professional level? Not clear on what your next steps are? Got someone in mind that you think could benefit from talking with me? I know that making the first contact can be tough, especially if you have doubts. Book in your obligation free first session to see if I’m the right fit for you.
NEED HELP WITH CULTURE, OR TEAM ENGAGEMENT?
As a registered Organisational Psychologist, I’ve got the skills and capability to help you master your culture and engagement challenges. I also spent 7 years working for GALLUP, a world leader in engagement, discovering the best strategies to engage your team, enhance productivity and increase profitability. Book in a call below to discuss how I can support you.
Did you like this Article?
If you liked this article, have a look at some of my other articles here or sign-up to my list to receive my articles directly into your inbox each week. If you think someone might like to read them too, simply forward this email on to them.
CHECK-OUT WHAT ELSE I DO
I love writing articles but just in case you were wondering, it’s not all I do. Have a look at my website to discover some of my services, what my clients say about me, and some other interesting facts.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME
I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.
If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825
Where's your coach?
One night I got hooked into watching a Table Tennis match that was a nail biter, and they were playing to get into the quarter-finals. After an intense game, they were all tied up for the deciding set and that’s when I noticed something strange. Between sets, they are allowed to have a quick chat with their coach to talk strategy, go over the game plan, and reset their thinking. For one player, there was no discussion, nor strategy talk….he didn’t have a coach!
While watching the Olympic games this year I was particularly interested in observing the interaction coaches were having with their players.
One night I got hooked into watching a Table Tennis match that was a nail biter, and they were playing to get into the quarter-finals. After an intense game, they were all tied up for the deciding set and that’s when I noticed something strange. Between sets, they are allowed to have a quick chat with their coach to talk strategy, go over the game plan, and reset their thinking. For one player, there was no discussion, nor strategy talk….he didn’t have a coach!
At an elite level, I was shocked at what I was seeing. I also couldn’t help but imagine what was going through this player’s mind. He was facing elimination from the Olympic games, a tournament of the highest calibre, yet he had no coach. Instead, he was sitting head in his hands, rubbing the sweat off his face with a towel.
When the cameras focussed on the other player, there was a lively discussion between the player and coach. There was lots of nodding, passionate instruction, a bit of a shoulder massage and what looked to be plenty of reinforcement that winning was entirely possible.
Of course, the player that had a coach won but that isn’t the point. When I did a bit of research, it turned out that the player without a coach had managed to beat one of the tournament favourites the round before. He also did this without a coach.
In May last year, I wrote an article about the value of coaching. While there is strong evidence to support an increase in performance across almost any domain, I reckon the best part of having a coach is the process of sharing those moments of success and hardship. It’s about having support in those critical moments where your thoughts and actions aren’t aligned. It’s in those moments where all of the prep, all the techniques, all the training become relevant…and the coach is right there with you.
It’s commonplace to have a coach at the elite level, but every now and then, somebody goes it alone and still achieves success. Whether you have a coach or not won’t guarantee success or failure but one thing is for certain, your experience will be a whole lot richer if you do have a coach in your corner, helping lead you when it inevitably gets hard.
WANT HELP?
Are you looking for support with managing life on a personal and professional level? Not clear on what your next steps are? Got someone in mind that you think could benefit from talking with me? I know that making the first contact can be tough, especially if you have doubts. Book in your obligation free first session to see if I’m the right fit for you.
NEED HELP WITH CULTURE, OR TEAM ENGAGEMENT?
As a registered Organisational Psychologist, I’ve got the skills and capability to help you master your culture and engagement challenges. I also spent 7 years working for GALLUP, a world leader in engagement, discovering the best strategies to engage your team, enhance productivity and increase profitability. Book in a call below to discuss how I can support you.
Did you like this Article?
If you liked this article, have a look at some of my other articles here or sign-up to my list to receive my articles directly into your inbox each week. If you think someone might like to read them too, simply forward this email on to them.
CHECK-OUT WHAT ELSE I DO
I love writing articles but just in case you were wondering, it’s not all I do. Have a look at my website to discover some of my services, what my clients say about me, and some other interesting facts.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME
I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.
If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825
Is that really true?
How much of what you say is true? To even attempt to answer that question, you first need to be keenly aware of the words and phrases you are using. This is especially important if you are in a leadership role with significant influence.
How much of what you say is true? To even attempt to answer that question, you first need to be keenly aware of the words and phrases you are using. This is especially important if you are in a leadership role with significant influence.
Today I had a kick-off coaching session (virtual of course) with a new client. She was providing me with an overview of her situation and what she’d like to address in our sessions together.
As I was listening I noticed a pattern emerge in her language when she said “I’m happy to take on the extra work…..” when referring to how busy and under-resourced she was. However, the way she said it indicated that she wasn’t happy at all. The second time I heard her say it, I asked her if that was actually true. Was she happy to take on the extra work?
After a long pause, she said, “No..I’m not actually happy at all”. She then wanted to talk more about why and the fact that asking her to do more work was unfair, at which point I brought her back to the simple truth of noticing the incongruence between the words she used and how she felt. The truth is, she isn’t alone. I think much of our self-talk and the well-rehearsed idioms we use in our everyday conversations don’t match what we actually feel. I also think it’s why many leaders fail to establish trust and credibility.
Much of our distress boils down to feeling helpless, undervalued, used, taken for granted or rejected. These feelings usually manifest when you don’t feel heard or you’re struggling to express what’s really going on for you. Next time you’re sharing your challenges with someone, take notice of the language you use and whether it matches what you feel.
This reflective process is critical in establishing your awareness as a leader. Without awareness, you can’t lead yourself. If you can’t lead yourself, there’s no chance anyone will follow you. When your words match your feelings, you are leading with the truth. When you lead with the truth, people listen.
WANT HELP?
Are you looking for support with managing life on a personal and professional level? Not clear on what your next steps are? Got someone in mind that you think could benefit from talking with me? I know that making the first contact can be tough, especially if you have doubts. Book in your obligation free first session to see if I’m the right fit for you.
NEED HELP WITH CULTURE, OR TEAM ENGAGEMENT?
As a registered Organisational Psychologist, I’ve got the skills and capability to help you master your culture and engagement challenges. I also spent 7 years working for GALLUP, a world leader in engagement, discovering the best strategies to engage your team, enhance productivity and increase profitability. Book in a call below to discuss how I can support you.
Did you like this Article?
If you liked this article, have a look at some of my other articles here or sign-up to my list to receive my articles directly into your inbox each week. If you think someone might like to read them too, simply forward this email on to them.
CHECK-OUT WHAT ELSE I DO
I love writing articles but just in case you were wondering, it’s not all I do. Have a look at my website to discover some of my services, what my clients say about me, and some other interesting facts.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME
I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.
If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825
How do you rate your empathy? Try being John Malkovich!
If you haven’t seen the film, ‘being John Malkovich’ is a bizarre story that provides insight into the concept of being able to inhabit somebody else’s skin, feel what they feel and move how they move. In doing so, you learn more about yourself by feeling free to express and explore who you are through the vessel of another. It beautifully conveys the power of empathy to enable deep reflection to take place about ones own thoughts, feelings and behaviour. What’s so wonderful about this film is that John Malkovich stars as John Malkovich, which to me, is the ultimate test of empathy.
If you haven’t seen the film, ‘Being John Malkovich’ is a bizarre story that provides insight into the concept of being able to inhabit somebody else’s skin, feel what they feel and move how they move. In doing so, you learn more about yourself by feeling free to express and explore who you are through the vessel of another. It beautifully conveys the power of empathy to enable deep reflection to take place about ones own thoughts, feelings and behaviour. What’s so wonderful about this film is that John Malkovich stars as John Malkovich, which to me, is the ultimate test of empathy.
Imagine that you were asked to play the starring role in the movie “Being [your name]”. In other words, how would you ‘be’ you. Like any other role, you’d have to study your character’s every move, understand their motivations, values, strengths, weaknesses, and fears. You’d have to understand in-depth, how they think, feel and behave in any given scenario. If you think this is easy, see how you go when someone sets you up in front of a camera and says “just be yourself”. To most, this is usually enough to trigger a freeze response or simply makes one go completely blank.
One could argue that over-thinking who you are or how you are perceived is a bottomless pit of self-conscious despair and will only lead to anxiety. On the contrary, I don’t think we consider our impact on others enough. If you want to make a positive impact on society at large, start with the people you interact with regularly and have a go at making sure your presence ensures they have a positive experience.
WANT HELP?
Are you looking for support with managing life on a personal and professional level? Not clear on what your next steps are? Got someone in mind that you think could benefit from talking with me? I know that making the first contact can be tough, especially if you have doubts. Book in your obligation free first session to see if I’m the right fit for you.
NEED HELP WITH CULTURE, OR TEAM ENGAGEMENT?
As a registered Organisational Psychologist, I’ve got the skills and capability to help you master your culture and engagement challenges. I also spent 7 years working for GALLUP, a world leader in engagement, discovering the best strategies to engage your team, enhance productivity and increase profitability. Book in a call below to discuss how I can support you.
Did you like this Article?
If you liked this article, have a look at some of my other articles here or sign-up to my list to receive my articles directly into your inbox each week. If you think someone might like to read them too, simply forward this email on to them.
CHECK-OUT WHAT ELSE I DO
I love writing articles but just in case you were wondering, it’s not all I do. Have a look at my website to discover some of my services, what my clients say about me, and some other interesting facts.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME
I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.
If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825
The view of you: Let’s talk about perspective
Perspective-taking, in my opinion, is one of the most useful tools any of us have in our life skills toolbelt. Equally, losing perspective is one of the greatest handicaps one can suffer. Being able to shift perspective helps us re-focus in times of crisis, understand somebody else’s behaviour or point of view, see new possibilities for old problems, and learn from our mistakes. Given the ability to shift your perspective is so powerful, I reckon it’s an ability worth practising.
Have you said or ever heard someone say any of the following sentences?
“I don’t care what people think of me”
“I am who I am and if you don’t like it, that’s your problem”
“I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea but you can’t please everyone”
“I focus on being myself, being true to who I really am”
If I’m completely honest, I’ve said some of the above sentences and heard plenty of people say them over the years. Most people would interpret the above affirmations as a sign of confidence or good self-esteem. Not me, I cringe when I hear them now. Why?… Because what they are really saying is “I couldn’t be bothered understanding how others feel, think and behave… their perspective doesn’t matter”
I’m open to the idea that there are some circumstances where it might make sense to “not care” what people think of you. Some might argue that as an elite athlete, it’s essential to “not care” but if you’re wondering what happened to Bernard Tomic or don’t even know who I’m talking about…I rest my case. I personally struggle to think of any examples where it actually makes sense. Unless of course, you are happy to live and work in an environment that doesn’t require you to build or maintain relationships. It reminds me of the reclusive types that retreat from society and have minimal contact with the outside world. They are usually incredibly interesting and quirky people but also quite damaged. To me, it all comes down to how self-centred they are. In other words, they view the world as being all about them and lack empathy for others. As a consequence, the view we all have of them is of being withdrawn and closed-off, albeit interesting and quirky. Of course, their perspective doesn’t shift with feedback because they already hold the view that they don’t care what other people think.
Perspective-taking, in my opinion, is one of the most useful tools any of us have in our life skills toolbelt. Equally, losing perspective is one of the greatest handicaps one can suffer. Being able to shift perspective helps us re-focus in times of crisis, understand somebody else’s behaviour or point of view, see new possibilities for old problems, and learn from our mistakes. Given the ability to shift your perspective is so powerful, I reckon it’s an ability worth practising.
To gain perspective, the two main skills that everyone needs to master, are Empathy and Experiential awareness. That is, one’s ability to understand what somebody else is feeling and the experience they are currently having in your presence. The problem is, when we need perspective most like when we are in the middle of a crisis or things just aren’t going our way, we often struggle to find it. The solution, while counterintuitive, is to stop focussing on yourself and look to what others are feeling and how they are experiencing you. This will give you a new perspective, and also help you see yourself how the rest of the world sees and experiences you.
If you’re still convinced that what others think of you doesn’t matter or isn’t helpful, try this on for size. How you see yourself is mirrored by how others experience you. For example, not caring how others experience you would be like someone politely letting you know that you’ve got something stuck between your teeth and you respond with “Thanks for letting me know, but I really don’t care”. Not exactly the best way to win friends and influence people! More applicable examples could be rejecting feedback in any of the following scenarios. Having poor body language in meetings, the overuse of ‘um’ when presenting, belittling others publicly, making cynical comments or snide remarks, not speaking up when you have something to say, big-noting yourself, turning up late to a meeting and lying about what caused your delay and the list goes on…and on. We all need perspective at times so we can see ourselves how others are seeing and experiencing us. However, you can only achieve perspective if you see yourself from another’s point of view.
If you’re looking for a little more insight, consider this. The view others have of you is shaped by the view you have of yourself. When you think about it, it’s quite simple, how you see yourself shapes your behaviour. How you behave shapes how people see and experience you. As a leader, manager or parent, this forges the culture of your organisation, team or household you are leading respectively. Your success as a leader in any context is directly related to your ability to empathise. When you take the time to understand what your key stakeholders are feeling you’ll also start to take responsibility for the behaviour that shapes their view of you.
To sum it all up, the view of you is a reflection of how you see yourself. If you couldn’t be bothered or don’t care what people think, their experience of you will be someone who doesn’t care, couldn’t be bothered and doesn’t want to understand them. This does not bode well for anyone wanting to create have a productive, engaged life. To avoid this outcome try Shifting your focus to put others at the centre of your universe and you’ll have no option but to demonstrate empathy and understanding.
WANT HELP?
Are you looking for support with managing life on a personal and professional level? Not clear on what your next steps are? Got someone in mind that you think could benefit from talking with me? I know that making the first contact can be tough, especially if you have doubts. Book in your obligation free first session to see if I’m the right fit for you.
NEED HELP WITH CULTURE, OR TEAM ENGAGEMENT?
As a registered Organisational Psychologist, I’ve got the skills and capability to help you master your culture and engagement challenges. I also spent 7 years working for GALLUP, a world leader in engagement, discovering the best strategies to engage your team, enhance productivity and increase profitability. Book in a call below to discuss how I can support you.
Did you like this Article?
If you liked this article, have a look at some of my other articles here or sign-up to my list to receive my articles directly into your inbox each week. If you think someone might like to read them too, simply forward this email on to them.
CHECK-OUT WHAT ELSE I DO
I love writing articles but just in case you were wondering, it’s not all I do. Have a look at my website to discover some of my services, what my clients say about me, and some other interesting facts.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME
I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.
If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825
Emotional Claustrophobia: The feeling of being stuck
For everyone feeling hard done by, cheated, robbed, restricted, shut-down, humiliated, disappointed, frustrated and any other ‘…ed’ you can think of, I’d like to suggest you add “Man’s search for meaning” by Viktor E. Frankl to your reading list. As a survivor of a prisoner of war camp and world-renowned psychiatrist, Viktor beautifully illustrates how you can have everything taken away from you and still draw on wisdom that enables you to choose your experience.
While I’m not claustrophobic, I hate the feeling of being stuck. I can totally understand the idea that small enclosed spaces freak people out and in some cases, something as innocuous as a building elevator can be enough to create overwhelming anxiety.
Right now, a big chunk of the country is in lock-down which after six weeks of restricted movement and plenty of screen time has triggered what I can only describe as emotional claustrophobia. That is, anxiety and depression brought on by forced restriction of movement and social interaction.
Unfortunately, the response to lock-down has lead to a minority acting out through demonstrations of rage, antisocial behaviour, opposition and blame - all of which are understandable.
For everyone feeling hard done by, cheated, robbed, restricted, shut-down, humiliated, disappointed, frustrated and any other ‘…ed’ you can think of, I’d like to suggest you add “Man’s search for meaning” by Viktor E. Frankl to your reading list. As a survivor of a prisoner of war camp and a world-renowned psychiatrist, Viktor beautifully illustrates how you can have everything taken away from you and still draw on the wisdom that enables you to choose your experience.
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
― Viktor E. Frankl
Having the time to reflect on my own experiences from past and present, I’m becoming more clear on what it means to ‘choose one’s own way’. Indeed, the situation the world is in right now is real, it’s scary, it’s uncertain and there is no immediate solution to the problem we all face. However, I’m drawing strength from great leaders such as Frankl that were able to choose their mindset, regardless of the hardship they faced.
If you’re feeling stuck and also feel like you’re suffering from a bit of Emotional claustrophobia it’s time to dig deep and resurrect the choices available to you. It is in these choices that you will discover your freedom.
One final quote from Frankl for you to ponder.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
― Viktor E. Frankl
WANT HELP?
Are you looking for support with managing life on a personal and professional level? Not clear on what your next steps are? Got someone in mind that you think could benefit from talking with me? I know that making the first contact can be tough, especially if you have doubts. Book in your obligation free first session to see if I’m the right fit for you.
NEED HELP WITH CULTURE, OR TEAM ENGAGEMENT?
As a registered Organisational Psychologist, I’ve got the skills and capability to help you master your culture and engagement challenges. I also spent 7 years working for GALLUP, a world leader in engagement, discovering the best strategies to engage your team, enhance productivity and increase profitability. Book in a call below to discuss how I can support you.
Did you like this Article?
If you liked this article, have a look at some of my other articles here or sign-up to my list to receive my articles directly into your inbox each week. If you think someone might like to read them too, simply forward this email on to them.
CHECK-OUT WHAT ELSE I DO
I love writing articles but just in case you were wondering, it’s not all I do. Have a look at my website to discover some of my services, what my clients say about me, and some other interesting facts.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME
I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.
If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825
Leadership: The Truth of it All
Put simply, leadership is following the truth or as I like to say it’s leading with the truth. Now, before you dismiss this as a hippy woo-woo definition, keep reading. When I say ‘the truth’ I don’t mean to get into a deep philosophical debate about perception and reality. I’m simply referring to your ability to recognise what ‘feels right’ or ‘sounds right’ to you. Think of it like a musician tuning a string instrument by ear, there is a calibration that takes place through the tensioning of the strings before the note they are looking for resonates sweetly. Now, without prior experience of hearing a properly tuned instrument, you won’t know how to tune it and regardless of the music you play, it’s guaranteed to sound terrible. So how did we ever land on an agreement about what was ‘in tune’ vs ‘out of tune’? A universal truth. Regardless of whether you are a musician or not, you can differentiate between an instrument that is poorly tuned vs one that is perfectly tuned. It requires no prior knowledge of music…you just know it when you hear it.
Before reading this article, take a moment to answer the following questions thoughtfully. For the purpose of this exercise, you don’t need to be in a formal leadership role. We all have the opportunity to lead ourselves and others in many areas of life. It could be at school, work, on the sporting field, in a family or within a group, club or the wider community. Regardless of your context, answer the following questions as a leader.
Are you a good leader?
How would you describe your leadership?
Do you know how others experience your leadership?
What makes you a better leader than anyone else?
Why would anyone want to follow your lead?
Why you….and why now?
Now that you’ve spent some time reflecting on your own leadership, you’re super clear on the definition of leadership right? Yeah well….if you’re anything like me, you might be comparing your definition with the more than 2 billion definitions that come up from a simple Google search and wondering which one is right!
Rather than quote what is already out there, I’d like to offer some of my thoughts on what good leadership looks like and how you can improve.
Put simply, leadership is following the truth or as I like to say it’s leading with the truth. Now, before you dismiss this as a hippy woo-woo definition, keep reading. When I say ‘the truth’ I don’t mean to get into a deep philosophical debate about perception and reality. I’m simply referring to your ability to recognise what ‘feels right’ or ‘sounds right’ to you. Think of it like a musician tuning a string instrument by ear, there is a calibration that takes place through the tensioning of the strings before the note they are looking for resonates sweetly. Now, without prior experience of hearing a properly tuned instrument, you won’t know how to tune it and regardless of the music you play, it’s guaranteed to sound terrible. So how did we ever land on an agreement about what was ‘in tune’ vs ‘out of tune’? A universal truth. Regardless of whether you are a musician or not, you can differentiate between an instrument that is poorly tuned vs one that is perfectly tuned. It requires no prior knowledge of music…you just know it when you hear it.
Applying this same idea to the sporting realm, when we see somebody performing at a peak level of excellence I.e. they are a well tuned athlete, we notice how effortless, fluid and true they are when they are demonstrating their skills. When striking the ball, leaping in the air, timing their run or delivering a blow, their movements represent a recognisable truth that everyone can see regardless of their level of expertise or prior experience.
Beyond music and sport, this same notion applies to everything you do, including leadership. Leadership, in all of its forms, is your ability to achieve self-mastery by 1. Recognising what is true and 2. Aligning your behaviour with that truth. In music or sport, recognising ‘the truth’ would be to understand what excellence is and evaluate your current performance against it. Aligning your behaviour with that truth would look like a whole lot of hard work in the form of repetitive practice, grit and perseverance. For leadership in the work or organisational context, it becomes a little more tricky as excellence is a bit more difficult to define than striking a ball with finesse or playing a series of chords to perfection. We often fall into the trap of emulating good leadership or refining good leadership characteristics. In my experience, this method creates a paradox whereby the harder you try to be a ‘good leader’ the worse your leadership becomes.
The ‘leadership’ paradox
Often, especially early in one’s career, there is a temptation to model yourself based on a leader that you have previously experienced. Sometimes the leadership was good, other times (very often) not so good but we naturally get anchored by our early experiences and start aligning our behaviour with them. This does little more than create a bunch of noise and distraction that prevents you from being a leader and demonstrating good leadership. We all want to have a roadmap or certainty about what we need to do to become a good leader so we can get to work and have a more positive impact on those around us and the companies we work for. The good news is, I’m going to provide you with a roadmap that will enable you to get to work but before I do, I want to make it ultra-clear that you need to let go of trying to be a leader. This is the paradox of leadership. The harder you try, the worse your leadership will be. Similarly, the more you let go of being a leader, the closer you will get to demonstrating leadership. Bringing it back to sport, the leadership paradox is a bit like generating power when kicking a football, serving a tennis ball or driving a golf ball off a tee. Your focus is on timing and efficiency rather than brute force. The most powerful shots always come with a surprising effortlessness that feels so right and true. When it happens by accident we then spend a great deal of effort trying to replicate the effortlessness!
Self-mastery is the key
The most important insight I can share about what differentiates good leaders from bad leaders is self-mastery. The second most important insight is that self-mastery is something you can never stop pursuing and can never fully achieve. In other words, you can always improve and the process of improvement is constant. To achieve self-mastery there are three elements that you need to be aware of.
Element 1: To have a strengths focus - Having worked for Gallup for the first 7 years of my career I’ve personally seen and experienced the benefits of applying the research insights that have emerged from positive psychology. Too often, we are taught to focus on fixing our weaknesses so we can be well rounded. This seems logical, and also makes sense, that is until you consider how it makes you feel. Constantly focussing on your weaknesses makes you feel tired, inadequate and like you aren’t doing a good job. Furthermore, you will likely improve but plateau at mediocrity. The real benefit is focussing on what comes naturally to you, so you can achieve excellence. In doing so, you can relax into the person you are, rather than try to be somebody you are not. Having a strengths focus also means that the way you see people around you starts to shift. Rather than focus on what is missing from them, you start to see what they offer and how that can help you. A simple way to get to know your strengths is to undertake a personality assessment. The Clifton strengths assessment is a good one but will cost you money. If you’d rather save some coin, you could try the VIA survey instead. They are both good and will give you a starting point to help shift your focus toward your areas of strength.
Element 2: Know and align to your purpose - For many people, articulating their purpose is easy. Now if you’re thinking…yeah…that’s easy, my purpose is to make money, then I need you to dig a little deeper. Of course, we all need money but there is something unique about what gets you excited, what lights you up and when you’re facing your darkest moments, you’ll draw upon to get you out of a rut. Something I’ve learned about people is that we all have a deeper purpose and we all know what it is (intuitively). The problem is, we don’t talk about it often so our ability to articulate our purpose is pretty poor. The irony of being able to articulate it is it’s hard to find when you need it most, that’s why you do the hard work when you aren’t under pressure…sort of like an athlete practice their skills in training so when the big moment comes they can perform. The best way to get clear on your purpose is to start by identifying your core values. You can do this work by yourself or by working with a coach or mentor that can help guide the process. There is no right or wrong answer but your values need to resonate deeply with you for it to be a beneficial exercise. For some, this is an easy exercise while others grapple with it for years. Once you’ve got your values identified, I like to shape them into a purpose statement or a pithy sentence that is meaningful and captures the essence of your values. Don’t worry if you don’t get it quickly, it’s an evolutionary process that will change and develop over time. You don’t need to rush it!
Element 3: Understand how to regulate your emotions - This is by far the greatest challenge but equally the most important element to master. We’ve all heard the term emotional intelligence, which refers to our ability to name, understand, recognise and utilise our emotions effectively. Another popular term thanks to the work of Susan David is Emotional Agility. This is about learning how we can embrace all of our emotions…even the supposed bad ones to help us be more effective leaders. The truth is if you aren’t able to regulate your emotions, then your ability to demonstrate your strengths and live in alignment with your purpose is diminished. Furthermore, when you let your emotions get the better of you, it doesn’t matter how good a leader you are, people only experience your emotion and can’t see your strengths or connect with your purpose. When your emotions take over or ‘hijack’ your brain, you become like a train that’s come off its rails…unpredictable, dangerous and the cause for people to run for their lives. If you know your temper is bad or your ability to manage your anxiety is poor, the best thing you can do is engage a coach or psychologist to help identify some strategies you can use to get things back on track.
By actively working on developing these three key elements to self mastery, you’ll be taking an important step toward developing yourself into a formidable leader, whether you have direct reports or not.
WANT HELP?
Are you looking for support with managing life on a personal and professional level? Not clear on what your next steps are? Got someone in mind that you think could benefit from talking with me? I know that making the first contact can be tough, especially if you have doubts. Book in your obligation free first session to see if I’m the right fit for you.
NEED HELP WITH CULTURE, OR TEAM ENGAGEMENT?
As a registered Organisational Psychologist, I’ve got the skills and capability to help you master your culture and engagement challenges. I also spent 7 years working for GALLUP, a world leader in engagement, discovering the best strategies to engage your team, enhance productivity and increase profitability. Book in a call below to discuss how I can support you.
Did you like this Article?
If you liked this article, have a look at some of my other articles here or sign-up to my list to receive my articles directly into your inbox each week. If you think someone might like to read them too, simply forward this email on to them.
CHECK-OUT WHAT ELSE I DO
I love writing articles but just in case you were wondering, it’s not all I do. Have a look at my website to discover some of my services, what my clients say about me, and some other interesting facts.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME
I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.
If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825
Attention all Parents and Managers: Do You Care Enough?
The similarities of being a parent and leading a team of people in a work context are undeniable. Parents and leaders alike, often describe feeling like they are pulled from pillar to post, selflessly giving all of who they are for the betterment of their successors. They shield them from compromising situations, they protect their welfare (helicopter parents or ‘air-cover’ in the work context), they teach them valuable life lessons and they mentor them to improve (otherwise known as lecturing). Interestingly, both parents and leaders describe a similar frustration with their perceived lack of appreciation by saying things like “If only they knew how valuable these lessons are that I’m teaching them” or “I put so much effort into making sure their situation is better than what I had to deal with…they just don’t seem to get it” or “I’m done….I can’t keep making all these sacrifices and not receive any sort of thanks or recognition for everything I do”….or “ you know what…I don’t care anymore, they can do whatever they want… one day they’ll realise I’m right”.
The similarities of being a parent and leading a team of people in a work context are undeniable. Parents and leaders alike, often describe feeling like they are pulled from pillar to post, selflessly giving all of who they are for the betterment of their successors. They shield them from compromising situations, they protect their welfare (helicopter parents or ‘air-cover’ in the work context), they teach them valuable life lessons and they mentor them to improve (otherwise known as lecturing). Interestingly, both parents and leaders describe a similar frustration with their perceived lack of appreciation by saying things like “If only they knew how valuable these lessons are that I’m teaching them” or “I put so much effort into making sure their situation is better than what I had to deal with…they just don’t seem to get it” or “I’m done….I can’t keep making all these sacrifices and not receive any sort of thanks or recognition for everything I do”….or “ you know what…I don’t care anymore, they can do whatever they want… one day they’ll realise I’m right”.
What this means for you
If these phrases resonate with you, whether you’re a parent or a professional, you’re wasting your time if you expect any sort of kudos for your efforts. The truth is, even if they said all the right things, it’s empty unless it’s followed up with some action. Most people know exactly what you want to hear to get you off their back. It delivers a short term burst of positive emotion for the receiver but, like the buzz experienced from a hit of caffeine or sugar, it wears off quickly. It feels good but you know it’s got false energy behind it. It’s seductive and easy….but deep down you know it’s fake. It’s simply a reflection that they have likely figured out how you were influencing them to do what you wanted….they’ve cracked the code so to speak, and started beating you at your own transactional game. Their behaviour toward you is a direct reflection of how they view you….and if that view is transactional, then you’ve only got yourself to blame.
Why am I sharing this?
I’m obsessed with helping people see themselves the way the rest of the world sees them. When we are able to tap into others’ perspectives, we open the door to a powerful form of empathy that drives us to act in ways that realign us to how we want to be experienced. In doing so, we consciously create a legacy that makes us feel proud of who we are, clearly articulate what we want and know with certainty why we matter. By taking our own perspective and rounding it out with the view of all our stakeholders (the good, the bad and the ugly)we are left with what I call the ‘true perspective’ of you; the true view of you. This ‘True Perspective’, if you choose to accept it as valid, is what will enable you to lead with the truth both personally and professionally.
Applied learning
Lately, I’ve been going through the same challenges every parent of teenagers is inevitably faced with. Ultimately, our teenagers start to push the relationship boundaries and want to explore and shape their identities more fully. This is all part of the transition from childhood to adulthood and a necessary rite of passage. Nonetheless, it can be a painful and difficult time for parents as they are required to take on more of a leadership role in the relationship because the *autocratic method that works very well with young kids doesn’t get the same result with teenagers. The more complex issues (motivation, purpose, identity, power, equality and status) that are introduced by teenagers require a long term strategy that is focussed on continually growing and deepening the relationship. Obviously everybody wants to be able to focus on developing a long-term, ever-deepening relationship with your teenager but and direct attempt will most likely result in rejection. The same is true for managers….while it sounds like a great plan to have a deep relationship with your direct reports, unless you meet their emotional needs first, they will never interpret your behaviour as a genuine attempt to build connection.
Understanding your level of care
As people, we all have emotional needs that when you start going deeper, all link back to one basic need; the need to be loved. Basically, we all need to feel loved, accepted, that we belong and that regardless of what’s happening, somebody deeply cares about us. I know this sounds incredibly basic but it’s astonishing how often this point is missed. To simplify this further, your behaviour as a parent, or a manager, will get classified in one of three ways.
Absence: This is when someone feels ignored by their parent or manager. They have no information to interpret so in the absence of information, they make stuff up. What they make up typically sounds like “They don’t love me” or “They clearly don’t care about me because I never see or hear from them”. Of course, this interpretation could be completely wrong but in the absence of information, they get stuck in their own thinking which is typically negative.
Presence: This is when someone knows they are loved, cared about and have all of the basic needs met. They feel safe, looked after, valued and worthy. It really is the bare minimum that you would expect of a parent or manager. The issue with this is it can easily be achieved by saying all of the right things. As we all know, it’s not enough to simply tell somebody you love them, you need to show them that you love them through your actions. As human beings, a red flag goes up when what someone says is misaligned with what someone does.
Perseverance: This is the most powerful but most difficult level to achieve. This is the idea of tough love and comes in the form of intervention and disruption. The real question that you are answering at this level is “Do they care about me enough to take action or intervene?”. It’s not a thought or something that you say but no less than what you do that confirms whether you really care or not. It is the ultimate test and requires an act of selflessness from the parent or professional.
What’s the point?
Whether you are a parent leading a family or a professional leading a team, you are judged (broadly) as falling into one of these three categories. You are responsible for establishing the ground rules for building a long-term relationship with the people you are primarily responsible for. You need to focus on the trilogy of thoughts, words and acts of love to reinforce that the relationship is important to you. As messy as it gets…and it will certainly get messy, your primary concern is to think, say and act with the intention to demonstrate that you care about them AND you care so much that you are willing to put your own emotional needs on hold, to ensure that their emotional needs are met. As a parent and as a manager….you need to understand that IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU!
Parents - read this
For the parents out there, if you’re worried that by putting some clear boundaries around who your teenager hangs out with and where they hang out, they are going to hate you. My advice, get over yourself and get used to the discomfort that comes with doing your job as a parent or manager. Their rejection of you is a test to see if you care enough to intervene, take action and stick by your word. They will thank you in the long term and you will grow as a leader.
Managers/Professionals - read this
As a manager or professional, if you are struggling to address some performance challenges you are having with a direct report because you don’t want to disrupt the positive relationships and engagement in the team. Again…get over yourself and see the bigger picture. If you take the line of perseverance, you look to the long-term viability of the relationship and forgo the easy, lazy option of saying nothing at all. Everybody can see that what you have to do takes courage, isn’t easy and nobody would want to be in your shoes. On the flip side, there is no other option but to ‘embrace the suck’ as Brene Brown would say.
Everybody - read this
Due to their similarity, I’ve been directing you toward considering this framework in relation to the role of a manager or a parent. If you play either these roles, both or neither, it doesn’t really matter. The core issue we are dealing with is relevant do any meaningful relationship you have in your life…be it personal or at work. The next time you find yourself justifying somebody else’s behaviour, wishing another person could see something from your perspective, getting frustrated, angry, sad as a result of something they did. I want you to ask yourself one question - Do I care enough to intervene and take action? You can be certain that if you aren’t asking that question and answering it with a strong ‘yes’. They will be left with the conclusion that you don’t care and that they don’t really matter.
*By autocratic methods, I mean using your power and authority to punish, bribe and threaten to get the outcome you want. For example, a father might say to his child “If you don’t brush your teeth right now you won’t be allowed to play the iPad for a whole week…..one….two….two and a half”.
WANT HELP?
Are you looking for support with managing life on a personal and professional level? Not clear on what your next steps are? Got someone in mind that you think could benefit from talking with me? I know that making the first contact can be tough, especially if you have doubts. Book in your obligation free first session to see if I’m the right fit for you.
NEED HELP WITH CULTURE, OR TEAM ENGAGEMENT?
As a registered Organisational Psychologist, I’ve got the skills and capability to help you master your culture and engagement challenges. I also spent 7 years working for GALLUP, a world leader in engagement, discovering the best strategies to engage your team, enhance productivity and increase profitability. Book in a call below to discuss how I can support you.
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If you liked this article, have a look at some of my other articles here or sign-up to my list to receive my articles directly into your inbox each week. If you think someone might like to read them too, simply forward this email on to them.
CHECK-OUT WHAT ELSE I DO
I love writing articles but just in case you were wondering, it’s not all I do. Have a look at my website to discover some of my services, what my clients say about me, and some other interesting facts.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME
I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.
If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825
Everybody has a plan until you get hit by a truck!
As an avid martial arts fan, I was recently reminded of the brutal simplicity of Mike Tyson’s infamous quote “Everybody has a plan until you get punched in the face”. Coupled with my recent experience, I wanted to explore the concept of managing your emotions; a skill and critical element in demonstrating emotional intelligence.
As an avid martial arts fan, I was recently reminded of the brutal simplicity of Mike Tyson’s infamous quote “Everybody has a plan until you get punched in the face”. Coupled with my recent experience, I wanted to explore the concept of managing your emotions; a skill and critical element in demonstrating emotional intelligence.
A minor setback
Two Saturdays ago, I awoke early to begin the ritual of getting my kids off to their weekend sporting activities. We were on track until I tried to start the car…and the engine sadly answered with a strange grinding/clicking noise. With no time to wait for roadside assist or waste time getting angry at the fact that there might be a serious issue with the car, I kept my cool and quickly changed the plan. My wife has a car and she was about to head off to the gym so we agreed that her car would be the taxi for the day and everyone would still make it to their activities. This was a minor blip in the course of the morning, but for some, could be an opportunity to derail their entire day. While the crisis was averted, I knew I still had to organise roadside assist and figure out what was wrong with my car.
When a minor setback becomes a significant trauma
I dropped my wife off at the Gym then stopped to pick up a coffee on the way back to my son’s soccer game. At a set of traffic lights, I was sipping my coffee proudly (or perhaps arrogantly) reflecting on the ease with which I kept my emotions in check after a rather tumultuous start to the day. The light turned green so I started to make a left turn and that’s when it happened, I got hit by a truck! My coffee ended up as decoration for the upholstery and my wife’s Toyota RAV 4 came off second best, which you would expect when colliding with a 10-ton truck. Fortunately for me, because I was turning left and the truck swerved right, it was a glancing blow hence why I’m still alive and able to write about my experience. As soon as the truck hit me I knew what had happened. My first response was “What the F&!#” then I tried to figure out if I’d done something wrong…did I run a red light? “No…it was definitely green,” I said to myself. While I was rattled, I was strangely calm. Before getting out of the car to confront the truck driver and inspect the damage, I took a moment to notice my breath and gauge my heart rate. As I got out of the car and locked eyes with the truck driver, the poor guy was in shock. He was trembling with adrenaline and extremely apologetic. His thinking was scrambled and he immediately admitted that he ran the red light as he was not sure where he was going. A witness also shared their details and confirmed that the truck driver had run a red light.
Firstly, I want to reinforce that I was the only person in my car and nobody was injured in the accident - thank goodness. For the rest of the day and for the few weeks since I’ve been reflecting on how lucky I am to be able to say that I’ve been hit by a truck and am still alive to tell the tale. The second insight that struck me is how empowering it is to stay calm and present, even when faced with significant trauma or a crisis. Mike Tyson rightly points out that you can have the best strategy to win a fight but the second you get in the ring and you cop a punch to the face, your adrenaline takes over and you are at the mercy of your physiological self…A part of you that is geared toward revving you up to fight back or flee the danger all together. We all know what this feels like but it’s incredibly difficult to control when it’s happening to you. Of course, there are times when this physiological response comes in handy but it certainly isn’t useful in most modern-day situations that we face. What about being in a fight you might ask? Wouldn’t your ‘fight’ response enhance your ability to win? It’s a logical conclusion but anyone who fights regularly and skillfully knows that it’s actually wrong.
Mastering your physiological self
Following the accident, I got thinking about what enabled me to stay calm in such a challenging situation. It’s not like I’ve been hit by a truck before so I couldn’t put it down to experience. I then reflected on my ongoing training in martial arts and it dawned on me that I’ve been consistently training my body to master my physiological self. I recognised that there are some key principles that you learn in the dojo that potentially generalise to other areas of life.
When training in any martial arts, combat sports or any sports for that matter, your ability to stay calm by focussing on your breathing is critical. Once you lose your breath, your whole body gets sapped of energy. The same ideas apply to basic meditation, yoga, endurance running, swimming…and the list goes on.
The second element to any good training regime is repetition. The idea is simple. When you are in a fight, you don’t have time to ‘think’ about what you have to do. It needs to be an automatic response that you have prepared for. It’s all about trusting your body and your ability to do what needs to be done.
The third element to enable you to manage your physiological self is practising through simulation. When training in Martial Arts, this looks like loads of sparring with people that are better than you. It’s hard, it’s challenging, it’s sometimes demoralising but it certainly simulates what a fight feels like and enables you to practice your ability to focus under pressure.
These three areas of foundational training set you up for success when you have to face a situation that requires you to fight. Of course, we don’t want to go out looking for a fight but in the event that we have to, we want to know that we are ready and able. Leadership guru Stephen Covey refers to this as ‘Sharpening the saw’. My conclusion from all of this is it seems that training in martial arts not only prepares you to fight but also prepares you to manage your emotions when facing any sort of trauma.
What does this mean for leadership and life?
When thinking about leadership and life in general, you are likely to face significant challenges or mild ‘trauma’ regularly. One could even classify COVID-19 and the impact it has had on the world as similar to being hit by a truck or punched in the face. It pretty much came out of nowhere and it’s the sort of thing most people wouldn’t spend time planning for. As a leader of your life, regardless of what drives you, your strengths, your capability, or your good intentions…All of these things get overshadowed by one thing; your ability to keep your cool when you are facing a crisis. Once you let your physiological self take over, you’re certain to show up in a way that isn’t aligned with how you want people to experience you. Controlling our breath, practising behaviour that grounds us or centres us and simulating challenging situations (through coaching and mentoring) will enable you to master your physiological self. Over time, you’ll be able to gain a deeper awareness and make more conscious decisions to respond in times of crisis…a capability every leader should aspire to develop.
WANT HELP?
Are you looking for support with mastering your physiological self? Not clear on what your next steps are? Got someone in mind that you think could benefit from talking with me? I know that making the first contact can be tough, especially if you have doubts. Book in your obligation free first session to see if I’m the right fit for you.
NEED HELP WITH CULTURE, OR TEAM ENGAGEMENT?
As a registered Organisational Psychologist, I’ve got the skills and capability to help you master your culture and engagement challenges. I also spent 7 years working for GALLUP, a world leader in engagement, discovering the best strategies to engage your team, enhance productivity and increase profitability. Book in a call below to discuss how I can support you.
Did you like this Article?
If you liked this article, have a look at some of my other articles here or sign-up to my list to receive my articles directly into your inbox each week. If you think someone might like to read them too, simply forward this email on to them.
CHECK-OUT WHAT ELSE I DO
I love writing articles but just in case you were wondering, it’s not all I do. Have a look at my website to discover some of my services, what my clients say about me, and some other interesting facts.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME
I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.
If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825
Can you state your purpose?…Or is that not practical enough for you?
To have a purpose is to have resolve, determination, and an intrinsic reason to act. It enables intention to meet action so what you do, has meaning. When someone is clear on their purpose, they have a spring in their step, an air of confidence about them that is powerful, unique and engaging. Without purpose, time can stretch so a moment morphs into a day, and a day bleeds into a week and before you know it, you are chunking time in decades or more, and while a lot has happened most of it wasn’t really intentional. It’s so easy to get caught up in the fast lane that you end up getting carried with the momentum of everybody else…so much so that you forget about purpose altogether. It’s how our brains ensure we survive, like a herd of Wildebeests running from danger, all moving in the same direction to limit their chances of being attacked. Much of society and culture is about moving with the herd to ensure survival. The problem with this? if you do happen to get isolated or marginalised, you’ll need your purpose more than ever.
To have a purpose is to have resolve, determination, and an intrinsic reason to act. It enables intention to meet action so what you do, has meaning. When someone is clear on their purpose, they have a spring in their step, an air of confidence about them that is powerful, unique and engaging. Without purpose, time can stretch so a moment morphs into a day, and a day bleeds into a week and before you know it, you are chunking time in decades or more, and while a lot has happened most of it wasn’t really intentional. It’s so easy to get caught up in the fast lane that you end up getting carried with the momentum of everybody else…so much so that you forget about purpose altogether. It’s how our brains ensure we survive, like a herd of Wildebeests running from danger, all moving in the same direction to limit their chances of being attacked. Much of society and culture is about moving with the herd to ensure survival. The problem with this? if you do happen to get isolated or marginalised, you’ll need your purpose more than ever.
When I talk about purpose it goes beyond the job that you have, the money you earn, the kids you are responsible for or the family you belong to…it’s way deeper than that. It even goes deeper than the compensatory behaviour we all engage in to make up for any perceived injustice that we’ve had to endure (redundancies, divorce, death of a loved one, childhood adversity, family feuds etc.). In most movies, you’ll notice that the protagonist is typically fueled by a desire to seek revenge, find love, gain reputation or protect their family. These are the surface level goals, ambitions, and motivations that they openly share and discuss. Very rarely, however, do they reveal their core purpose, the purpose which provides them with their charm, charisma, and magnetism. The reason for this? They probably haven’t explored what it is so they can’t articulate it. Even if they had, you’d most likely be confused and unimpressed if they revealed it to you!
Your purpose is for you…nobody else
When I help my clients identify and articulate their purpose, it usually doesn’t take very long. In fact, stating your purpose is the easy part, it’s aligning to that purpose that will take the rest of your life. Some people intuitively get this step and quickly grasp the power of being able to tap into an infinite resource of self-determining energy. Others, however, really struggle to make the connection. This article is for those who are struggling with the idea that by connecting to their purpose it will make a positive difference in their lives. If you roll your eyes every time somebody talks about a ‘higher purpose’ or finding their ‘true north’…you’re in good company. I tend to do the same. However, having done the work, I recognise how being able to articulate your purpose permeates everything that you do and in doing so, enhances how you experience the world and how the world experiences you.
A better, more practical question to ask
Two years ago I was working with a leader…let’s call him Jason. Jason managed a small team and his business was doing well. He was young, successful and had everything going for him. He sought me out because he felt like something was missing. He kept telling himself that he should be happier and that things should feel better now that he had achieved his ambition. The truth was, he didn’t feel happy, he wasn’t fulfilled…in fact, he’d never been more miserable. There was nothing wrong…everything was exactly as it should be but for some reason, nothing felt right to him. Jason wasn’t clear on his purpose at all…he lacked that spring in his step, his energy was low and he didn’t hold himself with confidence. We did some work to help him state his purpose and the moment he identified it he deflated like a two-day-old party balloon. Just like his life had failed to meet his lofty expectations, articulating his purpose had only disappointed him further. As part of the coaching program, I also conducted a 360 for Jason. Before receiving any of the feedback, Jason let me know that he didn’t care what other people thought about him. He described how he just got on and did his thing regardless…he didn’t have time to worry about anybody outside his circle of good friends. The logic being that if he offends anybody, his friends ‘get him’ but everybody else would just have to ‘deal with it’. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Jason was less than charming as a leader, and often found himself dealing with staff issues stemming from a backlash to his leadership style. Since his purpose statement wasn’t helping Jason ‘see’ what was blindingly obvious to everybody else, I presented him with the better question to ask “Jason, how do you want people to experience you?….How might they describe you if they truly ‘got’ your intention”. I let him sit with the question for a good minute before he broke the silence. He rattled off a series of adjectives “Wise, easy-going, fun, friendly and….trustworthy”. Not surprisingly, the feedback gathered wasn’t a close match. The words they used to describe their experience of him were “Tense, overly ambitious, serious, and moody” all highlighting some significant gaps in his experience-awareness…(Experience-awareness is sort of like self-awareness but it’s more about taking the perspective of those around you). Like Jason, by seeking feedback you are able to see yourself the way the rest of the world sees you…but be warned, you may not like what you see.
Similarly to Jason, many of us might feel that the best way to be successful is to focus on our goals, ambitions, and wealth creation. These are all great and I fully support chasing them with gusto. I do however caution people about chasing their goals, ambitions and wealth creation without first aligning to their purpose. As it was with Jason, you might achieve all your goals but you will feel hollow and depleted. If however, Jason integrated his goals with how he wants people to experience him, he creates balance and synergy. By turning his focus to how he wants people to experience him Jason must repeatedly ask for feedback, accept that feedback as valid (regardless of how confronting) and decide what he will act upon. I’d love to be able to share with you that Jason succeeded but I can’t. His response to the feedback was “I already knew that’s what they would say…and it confirms that they don’t really know me or get me”. This confirmed that Jason’s experience-awareness was low, and his unwillingness to take responsibility for the experience people were having of him would ensure he would continue to feel unfulfilled.
You shape the experience people have of you
As children, we interact freely with the world. We say what we want when we want. If we don’t get what we want, we cry, throw tantrums and get upset. As children, we see the world from one very self-centred perspective and have very little awareness of how others might be experiencing us. As we grow and learn, we become aware of the impact our behaviour has on others. Some might describe this as having empathy, others might say it’s simply socialisation, I say it’s experience-awareness, a necessary tool to create your personal legacy. I know many people cringe at the word legacy and feel that it’s far too grandiose. What I’m trying to describe is not egotistical at all, rather, it’s an outside-in feedback loop that ensures that your purpose (what’s most important to you) is being experienced in alignment with your intention. I guarantee that you won’t always get it right…perhaps you will never get it right but the pursuit of aligning your intentions with how people experience you will change everything. It enhances your energy, your happiness, your fulfilment, your productivity, your decision making, your relationships, and your leadership. The best thing about this strategy is it’s both selfless and selfish. By turning your focus to how people experience you, you are serving them with a better more empathetic version of who you are, you are also enhancing your wellbeing and every other aspect of your life at the same time.
Bringing it all together
Knowing your purpose so you can articulate it, and align with it, is critical for sustaining your energy, confidence and long term fulfilment. Without it, you are most likely floating along through life like a bubble in the wind, barely noticeable, unsustainable and aimless.
If you’re like most people, you turn to tasks and projects to give you satisfaction and keep you busy. However, focusing on goals alone or ‘What’ you do is going to leave you empty in the long term. Instead, try focussing on ‘How’ you go about achieving those goals. How you lead a team, how you parent a child, how you build a relationship all link back to how you interact with and relate to others.
Purpose can sometimes feel a bit spiritual or impractical for those ‘doers’ amongst us. It’s for this reason that people can sometimes snub it because they just want to ‘kick some goals’ or ‘get stuff done’. If purpose feels a bit lofty or high-level for you, ask yourself a better, more grounded question, “How do I want people to experience me?”.
By matching your intention (how you want people to experience you) with the actual experience people have of you (We figure this out by seeking feedback), you will increase your experience-awareness, fulfilment and wellbeing.
Your purpose energises you to take action while your legacy reflects how that action is experienced or interpreted. If you’re a leader, rather than put this in the ‘too hard basket’ you owe it to yourself and the people around you to take responsibility for how they are experiencing you.
WANT HELP?
Are you looking for support with your purpose or how people experience you? Not clear on what your next steps are? Got someone in mind that you think could benefit from talking with me? I know that making the first contact can be tough, especially if you have doubts. Book in your obligation free first session to see if I’m the right fit for you.
NEED HELP WITH CULTURE, OR TEAM ENGAGEMENT?
As a registered Organisational Psychologist, I’ve got the skills and capability to help you master your culture and engagement challenges. I also spent 7 years working for GALLUP, a world leader in engagement, discovering the best strategies to engage your team, enhance productivity and increase profitability. Book in a call below to discuss how I can support you.
Did you like this Article?
If you liked this article, have a look at some of my other articles here or sign-up to my list to receive my articles directly into your inbox each week. If you think someone might like to read them too, simply forward this email on to them.
CHECK-OUT WHAT ELSE I DO
I love writing articles but just in case you were wondering, it’s not all I do. Have a look at my website to discover some of my services, what my clients say about me, and some other interesting facts.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME
I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.
If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825
Break-ups are ugly: Why losing your job and being dumped by your partner can feel the same
Right now, there a plenty of people are losing their jobs, facing uncertainty and feeling like their worth has been questioned…and let’s be honest…it has. When leaders of organisations facing challenging times have to make the tough call to let people go, they don’t do it lightly. In fact, regardless of how ruthless some people can be, terminating employment is still up there as one of the toughest conversations you’ll ever need to have with somebody. Nobody likes it, it’s never easy and the person on the receiving end is usually devastated.
Relationships are everything. They reflect how we are raised as kids, our education, the work that we do, our partners, friends, clubs we join, associations we belong to etc. Relationships represent how we connect with others and regardless of how functional they are when they are taken away, we notice.
Right now, there a plenty of people are losing their jobs, facing uncertainty and feeling like their worth has been questioned…and let’s be honest…it has. When leaders of organisations facing challenging times have to make the tough call to let people go, they don’t do it lightly. In fact, regardless of how ruthless some people can be, terminating employment is still up there as one of the toughest conversations you’ll ever need to have with somebody. Nobody likes it, it’s never easy and the person on the receiving end is usually devastated.
You would think that in the context of an organisation, justifying a termination would be relatively easy e.g. misconduct, underperformance, poor culture fit etc., and realistically it is. The part that we all get snagged on is the feeling of betrayal, unfairness, or injustice of it all. In many ways, the relationship we have with work is similar to having a long term partner in life so when things don’t quite work out, the break-up can get ugly. Even when we know that a job isn’t fulfilling, or our partners aren’t a good match for us we tend to cling onto the familiarity and safety of the relationship. The longer we stay in a dysfunctional relationship, the harder it is to leave. We waste vast amounts of energy just trying to tread water in vain, knowing that inevitably you will run out of energy and simply drown.
The remainder of this article focuses on what happens once you’ve moved on. Most of the articles I’ve read on this topic, talk about how to make the decision to move out of a toxic relationship (because most people find it difficult to leave) but what if it happens to you unexpectedly? How would you cope?
Know thy relationship
Knowing how to cope following a relationship breakdown depends on the two major factors:
1) Whether you saw the break-up coming or not.
2) Whether the relationship was toxic or functional.
The Toxic Train-crash
When you’re in a toxic relationship be it work or personal if you see the end coming it can sometimes feel like a train crash happening in slow motion. It’s long, painful, often bitter and full of spite. It looks like the warring couple that spends years arguing in court to ensure that the other person ‘Gets what they deserve’ or their ex doesn’t ‘get more than they deserve’. Often, this ends in a stress-related reduction of both their lifespans, the devastation of their relationship with their kids and a bunch of rich lawyers.
At work, it can be even worse when things go really sour. People can be on workers compensation for the majority of their working lives due to a breakdown in the relationship they have with their employer. Despite them getting paid, the bitterness and spite poisons every relationship in their life and they rarely move on to bigger and better things.
The selfless Victim
It’s more common that people remain in a toxic relationship whether that be their job, which they feel they can’t leave due to financial commitments or a lack of transferable skills, or their relationship which is usually justified as ‘I’m staying for the kids’ or some other perfectly logical reason. It’s when these relationships suddenly end that feelings of insecurity can rise up having a crippling effect on the person that remains.
Imagine you’ve been married for ten years…it’s not exactly great and you have at times felt as though you made a mistake but you’re loyal, you convince yourself that it’s not all bad, so you stay. One day, you come home to your partner sitting at the kitchen table caressing a mug of tea, they give you a melancholy look that you’ve never seen before, but you instantly know what’s going on…you feel their honesty; it’s over. There is the initial shock of it all which is shortly followed by strong feelings of insecurity. All of your fears, the pros and cons of staying vs leaving come flooding back to you. How dare they leave when you were loyal for so long…” that’s not fair” you say to yourself. It’s at this point that you recognise that your loyalty has earned you nothing, your selflessness has drained your energy and now you are nothing but a victim.
Life Happens
Sometimes, when things are going really well, you’re loving your career, your team, your company then something happens. The market crashes, a global pandemic hits, the company folds or you’re caught up in a massive organisational restructure. You lose your job, and you didn’t see it coming. Feelings of despair, shock, loss, grief and denial kick in. It’s hard to accept, there is no ‘why’ to analyse, mistakes to learn from or reason to process. It just happened. Similarly, when people lose a loved one to death through accident or disease, the trauma experienced can throw them off for months or even years.
The Conscious Leader
Leadership is a conscious process of continual alignment and evolution. It’s sort of like tracking North on a compass. You’ve got to keep moving forward to reach your destination while at the same time you are watching the ‘needle’ to ensure that it’s still aligned to your desired destination. In any relationship, there are times where one person outgrows the other be it a partner or an organisation that you are working for. It may not be broken but if you aren’t growing anymore, it might be time to move on. It takes guts to make this call and step into your insecurities and all that you don’t know, but this is where growth happens. In all the years that I’ve been coaching people I’ve seen many people take action as a conscious leader and while it’s scary, it ALWAYS precedes a positive change in their lives. These acts of alignment carry them forward continuously requiring them to reorient themselves back to North; their aspiration.
See the following diagram to figure out the dynamic of your relationship.
Fig 1. When relationships end, whether you see it coming or not, there are patterns of feeling that emerge.
Beware the loyalty trap
Having conducted my fair share of interviews over the years, loyalty is often cited as a great value to have. It appears as often as integrity, trustworthiness and reliability. The challenge is, if you see yourself as a ‘loyal’ person at work, meaning that you won’t explore other job opportunities or stay active in the market, your setting yourself up for failure. Imagine for a moment, if you took someone out on a date and they kept referencing that they were ‘loyal’ or ‘faithful’ you might have a legitimate reason to be concerned about their fidelity. Rather, you’d hope that early on in a relationship you would spend a good deal of time discussing the needs of both to remain in a long term, loving partnership. There is an unspoken assumption that if either person isn’t ‘feeling the love’ then it’s time to pluck up the courage to be honest. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with somebody just because they are ‘loyal’, there has to be some form of love at the core of it. The same goes for your workplace, if you’re ‘loyal’ but not getting any ‘love’ in return you’re likely stuck in a long term relationship that has stagnated. Nothing is broken but it’s not great either. Things can coast along politely for years without an honest conversation. When speaking with people in this situation they say things like:
“It’s not perfect….but nothing is, there’s no point rocking the boat for the sake of it”
“I’m worried that if a make a change now, it will be worse that what I’ve currently got”
“I know it’s bad but they are promising that things will get better….so I’ll stick it out”
“I don’t want to be judged for quitting or failing….That’s not what I do”
If you recognise yourself in any of the above statements, it’s time to stop hiding behind loyalty and start being honest with yourself about what you want. There is nothing more unattractive than somebody who is lying to themselves. Once you stop lying to yourself, you’re able to bring some honesty in how you relate to others, that’s when things will start to shift for you.
I now know the dynamics of my relationship…now what do I do?
Having figured out what type of relationship you were in and how it ended, use the following table for a few tips and ideas for how you can cope. These are equally applicable for somebody that has recently left a partner or have lost their job (or in some cases both!).
Fig 2. How to cope when your relationship ends, whether you saw it coming or not!
WANT HELP?
Are you looking for support with your relationships? Not clear on what your next steps are? Got someone in mind that you think could benefit from talking with me? I know that making the first contact can be tough, especially if you have doubts. Book in your obligation free first session to see if I’m the right fit for you.
NEED HELP WITH CULTURE, OR TEAM ENGAGEMENT?
As a registered Organisational Psychologist, I’ve got the skills and capability to help you master your culture and engagement challenges. I also spent 7 years working for GALLUP, a world leader in engagement, discovering the best strategies to engage your team, enhance productivity and increase profitability. Book in a call below to discuss how I can support you.
Did you like this Article?
If you liked this article, have a look at some of my other articles here or sign-up to my list to receive my articles directly into your inbox each week. If you think someone might like to read them too, simply forward this email on to them.
CHECK-OUT WHAT ELSE I DO
I love writing articles but just in case you were wondering, it’s not all I do. Have a look at my website to discover some of my services, what my clients say about me, and some other interesting facts.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME
I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.
If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825
How to express yourself without losing your SH!T
Following on from a conversation I had with a client recently, we discussed a uniquely human challenge that all humans face. That is, how do we honestly express ourselves without losing control to the point of yelling, screaming or engaging in a physical display or our emotions. In other words, how can you express yourself without losing your sh!t?
Following on from a conversation I had with a client recently, we discussed a uniquely human challenge that all humans face. That is, how do we honestly express ourselves without losing control to the point of yelling, screaming or engaging in a physical display of our emotions? In other words, how can you express yourself without losing your sh!t?
As a parent of four, I know how easy it is to ‘lose your sh!t’ when your kids aren’t listening, haven’t done their homework, are squabbling amongst themselves over whose turn it is on the Xbox or tell you that they’ve forgotten something upon arrival at your destination - after repeatedly prompting them with ‘don’t forget to bring….’.
We’ve all got our different thresholds of tolerating what we deem to be unacceptable behaviour but once that threshold is crossed, it triggers a surge of emotion like a tsunami rippling out from the epicentre of an earthquake under the ocean. Once it has been triggered, there’s no stopping it….at that point, it’s about weathering the storm and dealing with the path of destruction that it leaves behind.
The importance of being heard
For me, I know that there is something primal that happens inside me when I’m not feeling heard, and in the familiarity of my own home is where my primal scream is unleashed. For those that know me professionally, they probably can’t imagine me getting angry or screaming at my kids. Trust me, my kids can confirm that it happens. The truth is, I’m not proud of it. It’s not aligned with who I am, what I represent nor how I want my kids to experience me as their dad. What’s more, if I get really honest with myself, those times when I’m not feeling heard at home are usually just the tip of the iceberg. There is a whole raft of things that sit just beneath the surface that are contributing to the pressure that is building. The trick is to know how to release some of that pressure in small amounts so it never gets to the point of a gigantic explosion that has built up over time.
To deliver your message and it be heard, you need the right amount of emotion. Too much and it explodes…too little and your message fizzles out and doesn’t go anywhere. Think of it like a rocket. To get enough thrust to take off, fuel needs to burn with enough ferocity that the gases are forced through the small hole at the bottom creating the momentum to move through the air. Too much ferocity and the rocket simply explodes. Not enough and the rocket never takes off. A perfectly designed rocket is intense but also beautiful as it streaks through the sky leaving a trail of brilliance behind it.
I think we’ve all been trained so well to be ‘professional’, ‘polite’, ‘nice’, and ‘respectful’ that we’re not expressing ourselves honestly most of the time. We spend a lot of energy making sure that we don’t ‘upset people’ or say something that might not ‘go down well’ so we end up suppressing all of it…until we can’t contain the pressure anymore and BOOOOM! We create a cycle of communication with our kids, partners, work colleagues, friends and extended family that perpetually follows this pattern.
Depending on your personality, you’ll have your own threshold of tolerance and level of ‘ferocity’ behind your messages. I’m not advocating to change who you are but more so enhancing how you are experienced by providing people with an opportunity to hear your message. Imagine how amazing you would feel if every time you spoke people totally ‘got’ you. No need to repeat yourself, raise your voice, bang fists on tables or refrain from saying anything out of fear that you’ll say something you’ll regret.
The relationship between clarity and emotion
In 1908, Yerkes and Dodson demonstrated the relationship between pressure and performance as what they called the inverted u-curve. Their discovery was quite simple, for certain tasks you need the right level of pressure or arousal to perform at your peak. I recall some exams that I’ve sat in the past where I was yawning and a little too relaxed beforehand. Not surprisingly, my performance was hindered because my mind wasn’t fully switched on. It would have been ideal to have a little bit of anxiety to ensure that I was alert and ready to put my brain to work. The opposite has been true before an athletics carnival as a kid. I remember been so wound-up about it because I wanted to be the under 13 years Athletics Champion that my body was shaking like a leaf before the 200-metre sprint, one of my best events. During the race, I felt like I had lead weights attached to my feet as I watched the other runners fly past me as if I was in slow motion. In both cases, I could not perform at my peak due to either too much or too little arousal. This is the same when it comes to delivering a clear and powerful message…too much emotion and you’ll come across as ferocious and your message will be lost. Too little emotion and your message will be received as bland or lackadaisical or simply just fizzle out. With the right amount of emotion the clarity of your message is enhanced to the point of being optimally forthright.
Fig 1. The relationship between clarity and emotion. When a message is charged with too much emotion it is perceived to be ferocious and you are far less likely to be heard. Too little emotion and you message fizzles out . An optimised message is forthright with the perfect balance of emotion behind it.
The optimal message
A few weeks ago, I wrote an article describing the approach of taking the fire out of your feedback by focussing on the Facts rather than the Interpretation, Reaction or the End in mind. This is a great approach but for some, it’s an opportunity to be robotic in their delivery (just focussing on the facts without any emotion) or creates a huge amount of tension for somebody who is trying to contain the eruption inside of them. While there is no perfect solution to delivering the optimal message, here are a couple of strategies that work.
Before jumping in headfirst, ask yourself “How do I want to be experienced?”. By stepping outside of yourself you instantly become more self-aware and are better able to determine if you are behaving in alignment with your intention.
Take a moment to evaluate your physiological state. If you’re all stressed and wired, your message will be drowned out by the corticosteroids coursing through your veins. If your body isn’t right, people will pick up on it straight away instantly raising the ‘red flag’. Do what you can to get centred and present so your message will be heard. There are a thousand things you could do such as- take a brisk walk, meditation, try to juggle three balls, strike a yoga pose etc.
The context plays an incredibly important role in how your message is delivered and received. A formal message may lose its impact if delivered on a park bench by the beach. Conversely, a heartfelt discussion may be lost amongst the formality of a company boardroom. Make sure that you put some thought into the environment and how it will influence the interpretation of your message.
The relationship you have with the person receiving the message is also a critical consideration. A family member will evoke a different emotion to a boss. Equally, a person that you don’t like will evoke a different emotion to a person that you really enjoy spending time with. Your message will always be influenced by the strength of the bond you share with the receiver, take a moment to reflect on how this is contributing to your emotional state.
Notice what you are telling yourself. Whatever you are telling yourself becomes a prelude to what happens next. Too often we invest so much energy in a preemptive determination of an outcome, which usually represents the outcome we don’t want. Instead, invest your energy in the outcome you do want to increase the likelihood of being heard.
As a final thought, I want you to press pause for a moment and acknowledge that if you are reading this, then you are human. We all experience those moments where everything gets a bit too much, we are overwhelmed by life’s challenges and we will inevitably lose our sh!t. Rather than beat yourself up about it, take the time to reflect on how people experienced you during your tirade. Notice how you felt in your body, recognise the impact it had on your relationships and consider the context you were in at the time it all blew up. Finally, identify what you were telling yourself before it all went pear-shaped. What you tell yourself is the secret that will unlock the mystery behind why you don’t feel heard. Solve this riddle and I guarantee you’ll be able to express yourself without losing your sh!t.
WANT HELP?
Are you keen to explore coaching? Not sure if it’s right for you? Got someone in your team that you think could benefit? I know that making the first contact can be tough, especially if you have doubts. Book in your obligation free first session to see if I’m the right fit for you.
NEED HELP WITH CULTURE, OR TEAM ENGAGEMENT?
As a registered Organisational Psychologist, I’ve got the skills and capability to help you master your culture and engagement challenges. I also spent 7 years working for GALLUP, a world leader in engagement, discovering the best strategies to engage your team, enhance productivity and increase profitability. Book in a call below to discuss how I can support you.
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CHECK-OUT WHAT ELSE I DO
I love writing articles but just in case you were wondering, it’s not all I do. Have a look at my website to discover some of my services, what my clients say about me, and some other interesting facts.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME
I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.
If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825
Do you 'Serve' or do you 'Save'?
When working in the human services - I’m talking about psychologists, Human resource professionals, counsellors, executive coaches, or social workers- there is a common thread that unifies them all in what they do; to be of service to others. While this sounds fulfilling, and it is, it’s often confused with ‘saving’ others and as you can imagine there is a huge difference.
When working in the human services - I’m talking about Psychologists, Human Resource professionals, Counsellors, Executive Coaches, or Social Workers- there is a common thread that unifies them all in what they do; to be of service to others. While this sounds fulfilling, and it is, it’s often confused with ‘saving’ others and as you can imagine there is a huge difference.
When I was studying my undergraduate psychology degree, I was interested in becoming a clinical psychologist. I was advised along with many of my fellow students to do some volunteer work for Lifeline Australia, a not for profit 24/7 suicide intervention telephone counselling service. I went through the training which was fantastic and still ranks as some of the best development I’ve received as a coach and Psychologist. About a year into my time as a telephone counsellor I started to question whether I was really making a difference. I was answering calls, supporting people but still didn’t feel like it was enough. One evening when I completed a shift, I was doing a debrief with the person that was due to take over and it happened to be the CEO of Lifeline at the time…yep, even the CEO put in the time to serve those in need. It was in the debrief with the CEO that I figured out what I was missing…I wasn’t aiming to serve people I was trying to save people. I’d shared my disillusionment with the CEO and he simply asked “Why are you here right now?” my answer “I want to help save lives…but I feel like I’m not having an impact”. I could tell by the way he looked at me that I was going about it all wrong. Unless I actually saved somebody’s life, I thought my contribution was negligible…..talk about setting myself up for failure!
The truth is, I see many people in leadership roles making the same mistake. Rather than seek to serve people, they are trying to save people which is where it all goes wrong. I speak with a lot of leaders and managers all of whom share a desire to develop people in their teams. Somewhere on the way, their desire to save everybody morphs into a yearning to help anybody which in turn leaves them serving nobody…least of all themselves. I call this the Everybody>Anybody>Nobody rule, and it’s the fastest way to burn yourself out.
Stop trying to save people and start serving
Have you ever heard the saying “You can’t save everybody”? Well, I hear it often and I like to rephrase it to “you can’t save anybody…that part’s up to them”. Of course, I’m not talking about Lifeguards, Doctors, or Paramedics because saving lives is what they get paid to do. I’m talking about well-meaning managers that are trying to make sure everybody is looked after or an HR professional that puts everybody else’s needs first. Ironically, the desire to ‘save’ others is a selfish act driven by a desire to be of value and recognised for such noteworthy contributions. It’s the narcissistic shadow in all of us that wants to be the one that ‘saved’ somebody. People tell me all the time that they want to be an executive coach or counsellor so they can experience those moments when somebody has an epiphany that turns their life around. While it sounds like a great reason to become a coach, it’s not realistic nor sustainable to think that it will occur in every conversation. Similarly, a leader would be a fool to think that they could successfully develop every person that ever works for them. Your role as a coach or leader is to serve those who you work with, which starts by understanding what they most need. How do you figure that out? Ask them! It’s as simple as asking “What do you most need right now?” While they may not always be articulate in their response, it’s a great act of service to help them get clarity.
Don’t be afraid to let them fail
As a parent of four, I’m all too aware of the desire to want my kids to succeed, to see them flourish, be happy and have confidence. While I know that the times in my life where I’ve experienced the most growth have been some of the toughest, I can’t help but steer my kids clear of oncoming obstacles to spare them of unnecessary challenge. Again, this represents a tendency to want to save rather than serve and it’s my desire to save them from failing that stops me from serving them as a supporting father. The same goes for coaches of individuals, managers of teams and CEOs of organisations. If you’re working hard to save people from themselves, then your not serving them as a leader….you need to let go of control and let them fail. There is no substitute for the feeling of something slip through your fingers. Sometimes allowing people to experience that feeling for themselves is the greatest way to serve them…and yourself.
They need to work harder than you
If you’re working harder on them than you are on yourself, there’s something wrong. Equally, if you’re working harder on them they they are on themselves, stop it right now. Your job as a parent, coach, manager or leader is to be there to love, support, serve and inspire. At no point should you be tearing your hair out with frustration at the lack of reciprocity you are receiving. If you find yourself in that situation, rather than continue to push the proverbial uphill, commit to having an honest conversation about what’s not working. Try not to say something like “I feel like you aren’t putting in the work” but rather try asking “What will it take for you to succeed right now?”. Hopefully the question triggers a valuable discussion to get them back on track. If you get an “I don’t know”….or “I’m not sure” that’s your cue to serve them, not save them, and sometimes that means giving them some breathing space to figure out what they need.
WANT HELP?
Are you keen to explore coaching? Not sure if it’s right for you? Got someone in your team that you think could benefit? I know that making the first contact can be tough, especially if you have doubts. Book in your obligation free first session to see if I’m the right fit for you.
NEED HELP WITH CULTURE, OR TEAM ENGAGEMENT?
As a registered Organisational Psychologist, I’ve got the skills and capability to help you master your culture and engagement challenges. I also spent 7 years working for GALLUP, a world leader in engagement, discovering the best strategies to engage your team, enhance productivity and increase profitability. Book in a call below to discuss how I can support you.
Did you like this Article?
If you liked this article, have a look at some of my other articles here or sign-up to my list to receive my articles directly into your inbox each week. If you think someone might like to read them too, simply forward this email on to them.
CHECK-OUT WHAT ELSE I DO
I love writing articles but just in case you were wondering, it’s not all I do. Have a look at my website to discover some of my services, what my clients say about me, and some other interesting facts.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME
I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.
If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825
Unearthing Your Creative Intelligence
A couple of weeks ago I was a guest on James Barrow’s Podcast, the B-side, which is all about finding insights that help unlock your creative potential. We had a great chat covering a large variety of topics which really got me thinking about creative intelligence or the ability to go beyond what you know to create novel and interesting ideas. During the conversation, James asked me to share something that people don’t know about me. My first response was that I’m pretty open and tend to write about my experiences in my weekly blog so there wasn’t much that I hadn’t already shared. That’s when I remembered a whole chapter in my youth that I’d completely forgotten about, one that was all about creative intelligence and inspiration. If you’d like to listen to the whole episode you can find it here.
A couple of weeks ago I was a guest on James Barrow’s Podcast, the B-side, which is all about finding insights that help unlock your creative potential. We had a great chat covering a large variety of topics which really got me thinking about creative intelligence or the ability to go beyond what you know to create novel and interesting ideas. During the conversation, James asked me to share something that people don’t know about me. My first response was that I’m pretty open and tend to write about my experiences in my weekly blog so there wasn’t much that I hadn’t already shared. That’s when I remembered a whole chapter in my youth that I’d completely forgotten about, one that was all about creative intelligence and inspiration. If you’d like to listen to the whole episode you can find it here.
Here is what I shared…
When I was 17, I moved out of home into a share-house with some really intelligent and supportive people. Unfortunately, the change didn’t work out for me and before long I changed schools again and moved back home with my mum in Lismore for my final year at school. I found it difficult to stay focussed on my studies and lost continuity with my classes and fell behind. The only thing that I felt like I wasn’t falling behind in was Art. There was something about the creative process involved in art that fascinated me, I loved the spontaneity of it, the ability to see your own reflection and meaning in the work but most of all, it was a way I could express myself honestly at a time in my life when nothing came easy and I constantly felt frustrated.
Street art was particularly fascinating to me because it was generally done quickly and spontaneously, was usually large scale, and was incredibly unique to the artist. I want to take this moment to clarify that I don’t condone ‘tagging’ which is defacing of public property that you see everywhere that just looks messy and is illegal. I’m talking about brilliant artworks that are created by incredibly creative people in urban settings.
In 1999, a mate and I had an idea to do a mural in Lismore on a wall under the local bridge but wanted to do it legally. We went through an application process and had to pitch our idea to the Mayor at the time. To our surprise, we were granted funding to purchase paint and organise scaffolding so we could get to work on creating the first legal Graffiti mural in Lismore. While it was great, I still felt as though the mural we had created wasn’t spontaneous enough. I wanted to do something more….The Issue was we hadn’t gained approval for a second mural but as far as I was concerned, the wall was big enough for a bunch more murals so it wouldn’t hurt to have a bit more colour splashed around.
I’d decided on my idea and figured Sunday afternoon would be a good time to do it as it was unlikely that anybody would be around at that time. I got to work and let my creative self take over finishing the work within a 30min period. As I stood back to analyse my creation I heard a young woman’s voice call out to me…”Are you the guy that painted the mural?”. Feeling as though I’d been caught I said “yeah…that one” pointing toward the sponsored work that wasn’t yet finished. She was holding a camera and while pointing it at me said: “Do you mind if I take a couple of shots for the local newspaper?”. She took a couple of snaps in front of the wall then I didn’t think much of it. The next day, I was shocked when my mum pointed out a large colour photo of me in the newspaper standing in front of the mural that I’d painted hoping nobody would notice. How wrong I was!
Photo of me in 1999 standing in front of my freshly painted mural.
This is a front-on photo of the finished artwork. The blue writing spells change is if it were melting wax. At the time I was exploring change as the desired outcome as opposed to fear, or stagnant expression.
Technically, the artwork I’d created that Sunday afternoon was illegal but it didn’t matter, within weeks the wall was covered in artworks from numerous artists that now had an opportunity to express their creative intelligence without fear of repercussion. It became a catalyst for unleashing the creative potential for so many others and that’s what I love about honest, spontaneous, creative expression.
Why am I sharing this?
When James asked me to share something about myself that people wouldn’t already know, it jogged my memory about an important aspect of who I am. The art was one element of what was important but the other element was creating a platform for others to express themselves honestly. When I shared my artistic past with James he said: “I always knew there was something creative bubbling away under the surface with you”. I think it’s a shame that I suppressed this part of who I am but am thankful that James unearthed it for me during our chat. I reckon those parts of ourselves that we don’t share because they don’t quite fit with your audience, or they aren’t ‘professional’ are the best bits of us. They are reflective of who we ‘really’ are. It’s these aspects of us that create our identity and enable us to relate in powerful ways to one another. This to me is what creative intelligence is all about.
My Challenge to you
What’s the part of yourself that you’ve hidden away, forgotten about or lost touch with? I want you to take some time this week to reflect on your creative intelligence and what it is. What would it take to bring that back into your world? For me, I thought I’d killed my creative self off but it was less about the art for me and more about the facilitation of honest expression. I write regularly about the importance of expression in leadership and in life. Like I did all those years ago, I hope the questions I pose, the stories I share and the insights I have, all serve you to tap into your creative intelligence and start expressing yourself, fully, honestly, without fear of repercussion.
WANT HELP BUILDING TRUST IN YOUR TEAM?
Are you keen to explore coaching? Not sure if it’s right for you? Got someone in your team that you think could benefit? I know that making the first contact can be tough, especially if you have doubts. Book in your obligation free first session to see if I’m the right fit for you.
NEED HELP WITH CULTURE, OR TEAM ENGAGEMENT?
As a registered Organisational Psychologist, I’ve got the skills and capability to help you master your culture and engagement challenges. I also spent 7 years working for GALLUP, a world leader in engagement, discovering the best strategies to engage your team, enhance productivity and increase profitability. Book in a call below to discuss how I can support you.
Did you like this Article?
If you liked this article, have a look at some of my other articles here or sign-up to my list to receive my articles directly into your inbox each week. If you think someone might like to read them too, simply forward this email on to them.
CHECK-OUT WHAT ELSE I DO
I love writing articles but just in case you were wondering, it’s not all I do. Have a look at my website to discover some of my services, what my clients say about me, and some other interesting facts.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME
I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.
If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825
Toxic Triangles: Why your team keeps failing
When the team was at its worst and I was contemplating my next step, a conversation I’d had with a mentor a few years earlier sprang to mind. I had been explaining to him my challenges with one of my colleagues which most likely sounded like me having a ‘bitch session’. I could see he was growing tired of the conversation so he cut me off by asking “Has this colleague of yours given you a license?”…I replied, “Ummm…sorry, not sure what you mean”. He then said, “The way you are speaking about them, it’s as if they’ve given you a license to talk shit about them”. Realising what he was getting at I said “Yeah…but I’m not sure they are willing to listen to some of my challenges…and it would just turn into an argument anyway”. He replied with “It doesn’t matter, unless you’ve earned your license by having the conversation with them first, bitching and talking crap about each other is toxic for the culture…you’ve got to cut it out”. I was taken aback, I’d never really considered myself to be the bitching type before, but he was right. For the next couple of days, I got really conscious of my behaviour and I noticed how many conversations I was having that I was ‘unlicensed’ to have. I felt terrible, I had unwittingly been part of creating a toxic culture. Having recalled that lesson, here I was again, caught up in a toxic culture where people were talking about each other, not to each other.
Like millions of people, I’ve been fully engaged in the Netflix series ‘The last dance’ featuring the golden years of the Chicago bulls with Jordan, Pippen and Rodman. I was particularly taken by Phil Jackson and his unorthodox coaching style, so much so that I’ve just finished reading his book ‘11 rings’ detailing how he led the Bulls and Lakers to six and five NBA championships respectively. There are so many great leadership principles that Phil references, most of which are based on Zen Buddhist practices. Above all, his efforts aim to create a winning team through moving them to what he calls a stage 5 team which represents “life is great” and the players are moving beyond playing to win but playing for the pure joy of the game.
The Triangle Offence
From a strategic perspective, Phil utilised the ‘Triangle offence’ as a powerful way for the team to score points in an unpredictable, creative and often improvised way. One of the challenges with implementing this strategy is that players often need to sacrifice their own ambition to be the best individual performer in favour of the team’s success. In other words, they need to play as a team, not as a group that are all aiming to get the ball to the best player on the team. When coaching extremely competitive and stupendously gifted players such as Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant, this was a significant challenge but Phil Jackson helped both players grow as leaders by trusting their teammates and being more selfless with the ball.
A great team
While I don’t pretend to be an expert in basketball strategy and was only a lukewarm fan at best, I love leadership, team effectiveness and culture so couldn’t help but make a connection with how Phil Jackson masterfully coaches teams to success and what great business leaders do. I cast my mind back to a team that I was working in that felt like (I can only imagine) the 1998 Chicago Bulls. Everything worked like clockwork, we were connected, we trusted one another, and we were really successful. Like any team, there was conflict but it was healthy conflict, the sort of conflict that you can have knowing that people won’t take it as a personal attack but see it as a commitment to the success of the team.
A horrible team
In contrast, I can also recall being on a team that had loads of individual talent and should have been extremely effective but failed to get results due to the absence of trust. In Patrick Lencioni’s ‘Five dysfunctions of a team’, he references the absence of trust as the foundation for the team to be able to achieve results. If the team doesn’t trust one another, everything else falls apart. In this particular team, the trust had eroded so much that team members were speaking poorly about one another to anyone that would listen. The worst perpetrator of the team was none other than the manager! It was clear that the manager had the best of intentions when speaking with the team. The idea was to build trust by bringing each of them into the ‘circle’ so to speak. For a moment, team members felt special (me included) when our manager pulled us aside to confide in us about all the gossip. However, this behaviour created a toxic environment fueled by secret squirrel conversations that served nobody and prevented the team from being effective.
Creating a toxic culture
When the team was at its worst and I was contemplating my next step, a conversation I’d had with a mentor a few years earlier sprang to mind. I had been explaining to him my challenges with one of my colleagues which most likely sounded like me having a ‘bitch session’. I could see he was growing tired of the conversation so he cut me off by asking “Has this colleague of yours given you a license?”…I replied, “Ummm…sorry, not sure what you mean”. He then said, “The way you are speaking about them, it’s as if they’ve given you a license to talk shit about them”. Realising what he was getting at I said “Yeah…but I’m not sure they are willing to listen to some of my challenges…and it would just turn into an argument anyway”. He replied with “It doesn’t matter, unless you’ve earned your license by having the conversation with them first, bitching and talking crap about each other is toxic for the culture…you’ve got to cut it out”. I was taken aback, I’d never really considered myself to be the bitching type before, but he was right. For the next couple of days, I got really conscious of my behaviour and I noticed how many conversations I was having that I was ‘unlicensed’ to have. I felt terrible, I had unwittingly been part of creating a toxic culture. Having recalled that lesson, here I was again, caught up in a toxic culture where people were talking about each other, not to each other.
No triangles
While Phil Jackson used the triangle offence to lead the team to success, I later learned of the ‘No triangles’ strategy to ensure you engage your team and build a high trust culture. It’s as simple and as elegant as the strategy used by Phil Jackson to win 11 championships but it takes hard work, discipline and a commitment from each team member to put aside their personal ambitions in favour of the team. In case you haven’t heard of the ‘No Triangles offence’ it’s really simple. If you’re going to say something about someone, you say it to their face. This goes for both positive and negative comments. Talking crap about people behind their back, using your 1:1 time with your manager to raise issues about another team member, spending time discussing a colleague with other members of your team….not OK.
Fig 1. Toxic Triangle in a team context
For example in fig 1. Employee 1 takes offence to something that employee 2 said to them following a team meeting. Rather than address this directly, employee 1 decides to raise it with their manager. The manager takes on the feedback from employee 1 and feels a responsibility to raise the issue with employee 2. Following the conversation with the manager, employee 2 feels misunderstood and betrayed by employee 1 which makes reconciliation even more difficult.
The number of times I’ve seen this ‘Toxic Triangle’ play out in the workforce is ridiculous and I’m sure you’ve seen your fair share of Toxic Triangles too! The above example is just one way it can occur, there are many different examples of how this could play out within a team or organisation. However, there are two truths that always remain.
The toxic triangle is caused by people not speaking with each other directly.
Regardless of how skilled you are, it always ends in tears.
From Toxic to Trust triangles
To solve the problem, I’d like to suggest that we change the mantra from ‘No Triangles’ to ‘No Toxic Triangles’ and here’s why. Having been caught up in these triangles before, it’s really hard not to engage in social grooming, a basic human instinct that is hardwired into us (See Andrew O’Keeffe’s Hardwired Humans for more on this). However, I think it’s possible with the right sort of commitment to the system, that each team member can seek to create ‘Trust triangles’. The rules are really simple.
Fig 2. Trust Triangle in a team context
Using our previous example, we can see in Fig 2 that when employee 1 had an issue with employee 2, they addressed it with them on the spot. They still didn’t feel satisfied with the situation so they raised the issue with their manager. The manager then had a coaching conversation with employee 1 as to how they could seek to gain more resolve with employee 2. Employee 2 decided to raise the challenges with the manager who openly shared that they were aware of the issue and provided further coaching on how best to resolve their differences. Employee 1 and employee 2 had further discussion about their differences and what they will agree to do differently. Like the toxic triangle, there are two truths about the trust triangle that will always remain.
The trust triangle facilitates dialogue by speaking directly to one another, not about one another.
While conflict may occur and a resolution may not be possible, the trust will be reinforced through the system.
Using this simple and effective system, you too can aim to build strong engaged teams that are built on a foundation of high trust, open dialogue, and a willingness to have tough conversations. Are you in a toxic triangle right now? How could you facilitate dialogue that creates more direct communication that builds trust?
References
O’keeffe, A., (2011). HARDWIRED HUMANS. Australia: Roundtable Press.
Jackson, P., & Delehanty, H., (2014). Eleven Rings. LONDON: Penguin Random House UK.
Lencioni, P., (2002). The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A leadership Fable. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
WANT HELP BUILDING TRUST IN YOUR TEAM?
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NEED HELP WITH CULTURE, OR TEAM ENGAGEMENT?
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A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME
I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.
If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825
Taking the F'ire' out of your feedback
With such massive disruption to the normal flow of work, it’s likely that some of the less ‘urgent’ tasks have taken a back seat over the past few months while the world has been reeling with the spread of COVID-19 and subsequent economic fallout. One of these ‘non-urgent’ but ‘important’ tasks is providing feedback on performance, particularly when performance isn’t aligned with expectations.
With such massive disruption to the normal flow of work, it’s likely that some of the less ‘urgent’ tasks have taken a back seat over the past few months while the world has been reeling with the spread of COVID-19 and subsequent economic fallout. One of these ‘non-urgent’ but ‘important’ tasks is providing feedback on performance, particularly when performance isn’t aligned with expectations.
Delivering performance feedback is more art than science and as I’m sure you’ll agree…some people are better at art than others! However, to be an accomplished artist, first, you must learn the necessary skills of your craft before you can fully and freely express yourself. Herein lies the distinction between an amateur splashing some paint on the canvas and a master carefully building depth to the work, layer by layer.
Receiving the message
When it comes to tough messages, I’ve been on the receiving end of some very poorly delivered feedback but also had my fair share of feedback that was brilliantly expressed. The worst feedback session I ever experienced was so brutally and venomously delivered I had to instantly write it down so I didn’t have to hold the negativity in my head. I held onto that piece of paper for about 6 months and eventually ceremoniously burned it when that leader left the organisation. I won’t repeat what was shared as it was cruel, cutting and borderline psychopathic. However, underneath all of the emotion and toxicity with which it was transmitted, there was no beating around the bush, the overarching message was clear and it led to a change in behaviour….mainly avoidance….but change nonetheless.
In contrast, I’ve also experienced tough feedback about my performance that was delivered so beautifully that I felt empowered and inspired to lift my game. The honesty was so refreshing that, despite the message being difficult to hear, it enabled clear action to take place immediately. Upon reflection, both leaders that delivered the feedback were highly experienced and respected. They had undoubtedly delivered tough feedback thousands of times before so what made the first scenario so horrible and the second scenario so great? The emotional fire that was fueling the conversation.
Focus on the facts not the ‘ire’
In the book ‘Truth at work’, Mark Murphy details a model for delivering tough messages that takes the emotion out of the conversation to enable an honest and productive conversation to unfold. He uses the acronym F.I.R.E which spells out the following.
Facts - What happened? What is observable? If you watched back a video recording, what would you see?
Interpretations - What are you making it mean? What dots are you connecting?
Reactions - What is your response? What is happening emotionally and physically?
Ends - What is the outcome you/they want?
Mark explains that most of the messages we deliver or receive are sparsely made up of facts and overwhelmingly filled with ire, the result, of course, leads to a poorly delivered message which most likely leads to resistance or rejection from the receiver. Using the fire model, you can evaluate a message you plan on delivering to see if you can reduce the ‘heat’ by minimising the ‘ire’. Have a go and you’ll be surprised at just how much emotion is blocking your ability to see a different perspective.
What NOT to do
When delivering ‘truth’ filled messages, I’m a strong believer in making certain that you communicate a message that is direct and compassionate. There is nothing worse than someone starting a feedback session with “So this isn’t my opinion but others have said that….” Or even worse “people think that you…..” All this does is create resistance and aside from that ….it’s just plain gutless of the person delivering the message. Too often, I see people fall into the trap of giving feedback that is ‘what the receiver wants to hear’ or ‘what the receiver needs to hear’ or sometimes ‘the cold hard truth’. Having tested all of these, I can tell you that none of them works well.
What you CAN do
The most powerful message is one that aligns directly with ‘what you, as the deliverer of the message, need to share’. Having had clients test this model, they like it and agree with it….it’s just really hard to do. When it comes to the moment of delivering the feedback it can come out backwards or emotional and end up being a big mess. That’s where I reckon Mark Murphy is onto something with his fire model. Once you’ve formulated what it is you need to share with someone (an honest and compassionate message) test it out with the fire model to see how much of it is based on facts or is driven by ‘ire’ or emotion.
Time to lead
As much as delivering feedback on performance -especially when it’s poor- is a loathsome task, if you’re a manager or leader, you need to be a master of your craft. If there’s a single skill that differentiates a great manager and leader from the rest, I’d argue it’s their ability to deliver a tough message with finesse and integrity. The truth is, regardless of how good the performance of your team is, the need to deliver tough messages will always be there. This is as true for your high performers as it is for your low performers but none more so than for yourself.
References
Murphy, M. (2017). Truth At Work: The Science of Delivering Tough Messages. New York: McGraw Hill Professional.
WANT help crafting your messages?
Are you keen to explore coaching? Not sure if it’s right for you? Got someone in your team that you think could benefit? I know that making first contact can be tough, especially if you have doubts. Book in your obligation free first session to see if I’m the right fit for you.
NEED HELP WITH CULTURE, OR TEAM ENGAGEMENT?
As a registered Organisational Psychologist, I’ve got the skills and capability to help you master your culture and engagement challenges. I also spent 7 years working for GALLUP, a world leader in engagement, discovering the best strategies to engage your team, enhance productivity and increase profitability. Book in a call below to discuss how I can support you.
Did you like this Article?
If you liked this article, have a look at some of my other articles here or sign-up to my list to receive my articles directly into your inbox each week. If you think someone might like to read them too, simply forward this email on to them.
CHECK-OUT WHAT ELSE I DO
I love writing articles but just in case you were wondering, it’s not all I do. Have a look at my website to discover some of my services, what my clients say about me, and some other interesting facts.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME
I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.
If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825
Purposeless : It's how I found my muse
I can clearly articulate the process of how I landed on my purpose statement. If you’re interested, see my article on ‘how to align with your purpose’ here. However, this point in the process was more like the last mile of a parcel being delivered halfway around the world. Before you send a parcel you need to know where it’s going, who it’s going to, how it’s going to be wrapped, how much it’s going to cost you and that’s ignoring the decision of what you want to send in the first place! How I learned the importance of purpose was by first experiencing the complete absence of it; I was purposeless.
I’ve spent a lot of time with my kids lately and for the majority of the time, it’s been great but my teenage boys have been pushing a few buttons I didn’t know I had!! There’s no need to go into the details of it here as I’m sure you can relate to the not so subtle blend of arrogance and judgment neatly wrapped in a thick blanket of cynicism they exude. Funnily enough, I know why it triggers me so much….because I was pretty similar at their age!.
Observing how my boys are coping with their teens got me thinking about my teenage years, awkwardly navigating the surge of hormones, struggling to form my identity while clinging to any thread of belonging. Looking back on it now, I was deeply depressed. I’m not going to play the victim here, it’s not the point, but after years of studying psychology I now recognise what was going on and it explains why alignment with purpose is such a critical element of the work that I do with people and organisations.
There is more to the story
I can clearly articulate the process of how I landed on my purpose statement. If you’re interested, see my article on ‘how to align with your purpose’ here. However, this point in the process was more like the last mile of a parcel being delivered halfway around the world. Before you send a parcel you need to know where it’s going, who it’s going to, how it’s going to be wrapped, how much it’s going to cost you and that’s ignoring the decision of what you want to send in the first place! How I learned the importance of purpose was by first experiencing the complete absence of it; I was purposeless.
Touching the void
There was a time where my days were long, aimless and filled with isolation. I had very little contact with people and was left to my own devices. I lived in country NSW so I’d often be alone and spend whole days exploring the nearby bushland which would occupy me for a while, and then I’d get bored. It was in my boredom that I found art, juggling and making fireworks which were all interesting but still lacked an overarching purpose or direction. They were just ‘hobbies’ and didn’t seem to fit in ‘normal’ society. I recall a moment when I was sitting on the couch, staring out our living room window at the various cloud formations and was just noticing clouds as clouds…not as anything else (which is quite hard to do….our brains are amazingly good at coming up with a familiar pattern or shape to give the cloud meaning, a process called pareidolia). It was at this moment that it dawned on me that my constant quest to identify my purpose from external sources had indeed left me purposeless. I felt a deep sadness coupled with a sense of shame at how irresponsible I had been. I was not more than 15 or 16 at the time but felt like I had fallen into an abyss of meaningless existence, a dangerous crossroads that for many sadly ends in them taking their own life. For me, however, it was a decision point that pushed me to elevate my awareness.
Anti-purpose and the shadow you can’t see
What followed, is a stage that I now refer to as anti-purpose. At this time I’d done away with the desperate need to find my purpose and what I was meant to be doing, and focussed on what was right in front of me. Sounds pretty sensible right? Wrong. I began ‘applying myself’ and ‘working hard’, and ‘gritting my teeth’ to ‘give me options’. None of these things felt right or good but it seemed to be all of the advice I was getting from well-meaning adults in my life at the time. They weren’t wrong….in fact, everything they said was correct. The problem for me was that I had a really strong anti-purpose weighing me down. My anti-purpose sounded like ‘You’re not smart enough’, ‘you’re weak’, ‘you’re ugly’, and last but not least ‘you’re not good enough to [enter whatever goal, vision, or aspiration I had here]’. At the time, I thought I was living in the moment, doing what was asked of me and building my character. Don’t get me wrong, I still read books, had friends, enjoyed going to the movies etc. But there were some incredibly negative narratives running on repeat in what became the incessant soundtrack of my daily existence. This continued for about a decade.
Finding purpose isn’t enough
While I still wasn’t fully aware of the ‘soundtrack’ I had been playing on repeat all those years, I finally started to get clear on my purpose. After landing my first career job once I’d finished studying at Uni, I’d had the opportunity to work with some amazing people and organisations, seen purpose-filled workplaces and experienced what great leadership looks and feels like. I knew I was on the right path but still couldn’t articulate my purpose clearly. Long story short, I had some great mentoring and coaching that enabled me to finally spit out my purpose statement. I finally got to a point in my life where I felt a deep conviction about what I needed to do. It felt so good to have such clarity but it took me another decade or so before I really stepped into that purpose and aligned with it.
Once I’d identified my purpose and could call on it at-will to provide me with focus, guide my decisions and intrinsically motivate me, my anti-purpose and the accompanying narrative started to fade away. The new challenge I was facing came in the form of misalignment. The irony is that once you can state your purpose, you are constantly and quickly alerted to any misalignment that you feel. It’s simply not enough to know your purpose, you must align with it or suffer the consequences of following a path that isn’t true. There are many stories of this tragedy in people all around you and possibly within yourself. Everything might look OK from the outside and they’ll tell you as much. The truth is, a chasm often opens up between their purpose and what they actually do that sucks the life right out of them like a black-hole deep in space. When you align with your purpose, the ride isn’t over. I once thought that it would be an opportunity to bask in the glory of achievement but it’s more like a carefully monitored process that ensures that one is staying on track. It’s a bit like a commercial airliner. Once the pilot’s set the plane on course, there is a constant process of re-aligning the plane to the desired destination to account for the variable factors such as wind speed, rain, cargo, and altitude etc. It’s an active process of ensuring you stay on course.
So what’s the purpose of a purpose?
So one day, I had somebody ask me….”So you’re ‘aligned’ with your purpose. That’s awesome but so what?” They then said, “I don’t really need a purpose statement as long as I’ve got a goal to work toward and I’m happy”. There are plenty of people in that camp and that’s ok. The purpose of a purpose, however, is to give you that fuel to keep the fire burning bright, to give you energy when you need it most, and to propel you forward toward your destination wherever that might be. There is a minority of people on this planet that decide on what they want to do, set the direction and power through to the finish line without faltering. They are not human! Most of us decide what we want to do, know the direction we have to take and spend a whole bunch of time distracting ourselves with other priorities, issues, drama or simply just run out of steam and lose motivation. This is where being aligned with your purpose can be incredibly powerful to keep you moving forward.
If you’re still not convinced that knowing your purpose is critical, maybe life is just a bit safe and easy for you? Perhaps you haven’t been challenged enough yet? It is when you face your greatest tests that you’ll trip over that which is most important to you. If you’re looking for inspiration, look no further than Victor Frankl’s ‘Man’s search for meaning’. It was through his experiences in a concentration camp that he identified meaning and purpose through extreme suffering. Like Victor Frankl, and for all of us, it is in our darkest hour that knowing our purpose provides the light to show us the way forward.
References
Frankl, V. E. (1984). Man's search for meaning: An introduction to logotherapy. New York: Simon & Schuster.
WANT TO FIND YOUR PURPOSE?
Are you keen to explore coaching? Not sure if it’s right for you? Got someone in your team that you think could benefit? I know that making first contact can be tough, especially if you have doubts. Book in your obligation free first session to see if I’m the right fit for you.
NEED HELP WITH CULTURE, OR TEAM ENGAGEMENT?
As a registered Organisational Psychologist, I’ve got the skills and capability to help you master your culture and engagement challenges. I also spent 7 years working for GALLUP, a world leader in engagement, discovering the best strategies to engage your team, enhance productivity and increase profitability. Book in a call below to discuss how I can support you.
Did you like this Article?
If you liked this article, have a look at some of my other articles here or sign-up to my list to receive my articles directly into your inbox each week. If you think someone might like to read them too, simply forward this email on to them.
CHECK-OUT WHAT ELSE I DO
I love writing articles but just in case you were wondering, it’s not all I do. Have a look at my website to discover some of my services, what my clients say about me, and some other interesting facts.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME
I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.
If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825