Taking the F'ire' out of your feedback
With such massive disruption to the normal flow of work, it’s likely that some of the less ‘urgent’ tasks have taken a back seat over the past few months while the world has been reeling with the spread of COVID-19 and subsequent economic fallout. One of these ‘non-urgent’ but ‘important’ tasks is providing feedback on performance, particularly when performance isn’t aligned with expectations.
Delivering performance feedback is more art than science and as I’m sure you’ll agree…some people are better at art than others! However, to be an accomplished artist, first, you must learn the necessary skills of your craft before you can fully and freely express yourself. Herein lies the distinction between an amateur splashing some paint on the canvas and a master carefully building depth to the work, layer by layer.
Receiving the message
When it comes to tough messages, I’ve been on the receiving end of some very poorly delivered feedback but also had my fair share of feedback that was brilliantly expressed. The worst feedback session I ever experienced was so brutally and venomously delivered I had to instantly write it down so I didn’t have to hold the negativity in my head. I held onto that piece of paper for about 6 months and eventually ceremoniously burned it when that leader left the organisation. I won’t repeat what was shared as it was cruel, cutting and borderline psychopathic. However, underneath all of the emotion and toxicity with which it was transmitted, there was no beating around the bush, the overarching message was clear and it led to a change in behaviour….mainly avoidance….but change nonetheless.
In contrast, I’ve also experienced tough feedback about my performance that was delivered so beautifully that I felt empowered and inspired to lift my game. The honesty was so refreshing that, despite the message being difficult to hear, it enabled clear action to take place immediately. Upon reflection, both leaders that delivered the feedback were highly experienced and respected. They had undoubtedly delivered tough feedback thousands of times before so what made the first scenario so horrible and the second scenario so great? The emotional fire that was fueling the conversation.
Focus on the facts not the ‘ire’
In the book ‘Truth at work’, Mark Murphy details a model for delivering tough messages that takes the emotion out of the conversation to enable an honest and productive conversation to unfold. He uses the acronym F.I.R.E which spells out the following.
Facts - What happened? What is observable? If you watched back a video recording, what would you see?
Interpretations - What are you making it mean? What dots are you connecting?
Reactions - What is your response? What is happening emotionally and physically?
Ends - What is the outcome you/they want?
Mark explains that most of the messages we deliver or receive are sparsely made up of facts and overwhelmingly filled with ire, the result, of course, leads to a poorly delivered message which most likely leads to resistance or rejection from the receiver. Using the fire model, you can evaluate a message you plan on delivering to see if you can reduce the ‘heat’ by minimising the ‘ire’. Have a go and you’ll be surprised at just how much emotion is blocking your ability to see a different perspective.
What NOT to do
When delivering ‘truth’ filled messages, I’m a strong believer in making certain that you communicate a message that is direct and compassionate. There is nothing worse than someone starting a feedback session with “So this isn’t my opinion but others have said that….” Or even worse “people think that you…..” All this does is create resistance and aside from that ….it’s just plain gutless of the person delivering the message. Too often, I see people fall into the trap of giving feedback that is ‘what the receiver wants to hear’ or ‘what the receiver needs to hear’ or sometimes ‘the cold hard truth’. Having tested all of these, I can tell you that none of them works well.
What you CAN do
The most powerful message is one that aligns directly with ‘what you, as the deliverer of the message, need to share’. Having had clients test this model, they like it and agree with it….it’s just really hard to do. When it comes to the moment of delivering the feedback it can come out backwards or emotional and end up being a big mess. That’s where I reckon Mark Murphy is onto something with his fire model. Once you’ve formulated what it is you need to share with someone (an honest and compassionate message) test it out with the fire model to see how much of it is based on facts or is driven by ‘ire’ or emotion.
Time to lead
As much as delivering feedback on performance -especially when it’s poor- is a loathsome task, if you’re a manager or leader, you need to be a master of your craft. If there’s a single skill that differentiates a great manager and leader from the rest, I’d argue it’s their ability to deliver a tough message with finesse and integrity. The truth is, regardless of how good the performance of your team is, the need to deliver tough messages will always be there. This is as true for your high performers as it is for your low performers but none more so than for yourself.
References
Murphy, M. (2017). Truth At Work: The Science of Delivering Tough Messages. New York: McGraw Hill Professional.
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