Joe Hart 13/9/21 Joe Hart 13/9/21

Are you addicted to saying yes?

Last week while eating my breakfast, coffee in hand still letting my body wake-up for the day my daughter asked me a great question. “Where’s your dream holiday destination?” Without thinking too deeply I responded “Kakadu for a Barramundi fishing tour”.

Her eyes widened a bit and she nodded in acknowledgment. I then said, “you know where Kakadu is right?”. She gave me a slight nod….then a smile…then said “I actually don’t know”.

I asked her why she nodded if she didn’t actually know where it was. She laughed and said “I don’t know…I just did”. While innocent, it highlights how easy it is to fall into the habit of simply agreeing or saying yes to everything.

Last week while eating my breakfast, coffee in hand still letting my body wake up for the day my daughter asked me a great question. “Where’s your dream holiday destination?” Without thinking too deeply I responded “Kakadu for a Barramundi fishing tour”.

Her eyes widened a bit and she nodded in acknowledgment. I then said, “you know where Kakadu is right?”. She gave me a slight nod….then a smile…then said “I actually don’t know”.

I asked her why she nodded if she didn’t actually know where it was. She laughed and said, “I don’t know…I just did”. While innocent, it highlights how easy it is to fall into the habit of simply agreeing or saying yes to everything.

I then proceeded to tell her about all the people of worked with over the years that have been addicted to saying yes….total yes junkies…the people that have an inability to simply let somebody know that they don’t know, or they aren’t able to do what they are being asked or they aren’t sure what they are being asked to do.

I’ve coached plenty of people over the years that have this aversion to saying no or feel the need to say yes to everything. I can wholeheartedly say that when yes becomes a habit, it creates more problems than it solves. At this point, I’ll share a great TED talk by Shonda Rhimes, the brains behind TV shows Greys Anatomy and Scandal. In her talk, she shares her story about how saying yes to everything for a year changed her life for the better. I love the TED talk and admire her personal transformation, but I disagree with saying yes to everything. I think it’s great clickbait, but horrible advice. In Shonda’s case, she refers to saying yes to playing with her daughter…no matter what. For a super busy person that puts work above all else, this was a massive commitment, but it wasn’t exactly saying yes to everything. Also, given her youngest daughter was only five at the time, a focussed 15min session of play was enough to satisfy her commitment most of the time.

I appreciate that if you’re a yes junkie, then kicking the habit cold turkey by replacing it with a ‘no’ might be a tall order. Instead, come up with a strategy to buy yourself some time before you over-commit yourself or agree to do something that you really don’t want to do. A simple strategy plenty of people use effectively is to say “Let me have a look at my existing commitments/priorities and I’ll come back to you”.

For those of you that are battling with a power dynamic, like a CEO that is demanding you drop everything, I want you to try the following. Imagine you were the CEO and the board was applying significant pressure on you to perform on behalf of the shareholders. It’s understandable that you might have a little more acid in your tone or be less tolerant of others. However, as the CEO you still want people to challenge you, provide you with important insights and have the courage to say ‘no’ or push back when necessary. How patronising is it to have people around you that simply say yes to your every suggestion, all the while they don’t believe in what they are doing?

What’s the moral of the story? practice saying no, being honest and having the courage to speak up. Saying yes to everything is lazy and the fastest way to diminish your value. A well-considered ‘no’ is more valuable than 100 lazy yes’.

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A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME

I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.

If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825

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Joe Hart 31/8/21 Joe Hart 31/8/21

Where's your coach?

One night I got hooked into watching a Table Tennis match that was a nail biter, and they were playing to get into the quarter-finals. After an intense game, they were all tied up for the deciding set and that’s when I noticed something strange. Between sets, they are allowed to have a quick chat with their coach to talk strategy, go over the game plan, and reset their thinking. For one player, there was no discussion, nor strategy talk….he didn’t have a coach!

While watching the Olympic games this year I was particularly interested in observing the interaction coaches were having with their players.

At an elite level, I was shocked at what I was seeing. I also couldn’t help but imagine what was going through this player’s mind. He was facing elimination from the Olympic games, a tournament of the highest calibre, yet he had no coach. Instead, he was sitting head in his hands, rubbing the sweat off his face with a towel.

When the cameras focussed on the other player, there was a lively discussion between the player and coach. There was lots of nodding, passionate instruction, a bit of a shoulder massage and what looked to be plenty of reinforcement that winning was entirely possible.

Of course, the player that had a coach won but that isn’t the point. When I did a bit of research, it turned out that the player without a coach had managed to beat one of the tournament favourites the round before. He also did this without a coach.

In May last year, I wrote an article about the value of coaching. While there is strong evidence to support an increase in performance across almost any domain, I reckon the best part of having a coach is the process of sharing those moments of success and hardship. It’s about having support in those critical moments where your thoughts and actions aren’t aligned. It’s in those moments where all of the prep, all the techniques, all the training become relevant…and the coach is right there with you.

It’s commonplace to have a coach at the elite level, but every now and then, somebody goes it alone and still achieves success. Whether you have a coach or not won’t guarantee success or failure but one thing is for certain, your experience will be a whole lot richer if you do have a coach in your corner, helping lead you when it inevitably gets hard.