Learning how to learn: The infinite pattern
2020 is already becoming the most challenging year most people have ever experienced. Rather than fill your newsfeed with strategies to ‘Lead through uncertainty’ or ‘manage your team via zoom’, I wanted to share what I learned in 2005, 15 years ago. Joseph Campbell’s work on the Hero’s journey inspired me to create the infinite pattern which I’ve used to recount my experience.
The Truth Hurts: Moving out of Blissful Ignorance
‘Truth’, is something that philosophers and psychologists have been debating for millennia and will most likely still be debating it for millennia to come. I too have been seduced by the concept of truth for my whole life…particularly the paradox of truth. By this I mean, how being honest or truthful often translates into the end of a relationship, conflict at work, or an identity crisis, or the uncovering of something you wish you could unlearn! If being honest or truthful carries with it the foundation of integrity, why does it lead to so much challenge? The answer, which I believe to be true (see what I did there!), lies in perspective.
What’s really derailing you?
Right now, you and most of your colleagues are reflecting on 2019 and planning for 2020. Some go through a rigorous process of mapping out the year, setting goals, and create a clear execution plan. Others like to be a little gentler on themselves and make a pact with themselves about what they are going to do differently so they don’t suffer the same sort of fate that 2019 served up. This planning can involve personal, work or a combination of both priorities. While I think whatever process you use is totally fine, and the idea of readying yourself for the year to come is also an excellent mindset too often I see people thrusting themselves into inevitable failure. How do I know? I’ve done it myself…repeatedly.
Do you know your pattern?
To know your own automatic, unconscious patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. To know your own pattern is to have what I call True perspective and it’s something you can’t achieve alone. To know your pattern is like having a map to a secret treasure that contains all the riches you’d ever need. Indeed, knowing your pattern is the greatest gift you’ll ever receive, should you be willing to receive it. Sometimes, we may think we are aware of our patterns where in fact, we are just observing the familiar outcomes associated with them. Below are a couple of frequently occurring examples of people focussing on the undesirable outcome, not the pattern that underpins how they got there.
The Fishbowl: Real life, Real people, Real cases | Adam Camerlengo
As part of my regular posts, I’m introducing a new series called ‘The Fishbowl’ that focusses on real people and how they self-reflect, prioritise, make decisions and show up in the world. It takes courage to put yourself out there and share aspects of who you are and what you believe has shaped you and your life. However, I strongly believe (and my experiences and my clients’) suggest that when you demonstrate courage and show a bit of vulnerability, it enables you to grow and expand. For anybody reading this, take the opportunity to self-reflect and potentially see yourself in their stories and learn from their own insights and courage. You never know, you too might feel compelled to share a bit more of who you are with the world….what’s the worst that could happen?
Do you lead with Guilt or Shame?
As many of you right now, my calendar is full of end of year gatherings, parties, kids’ performances, presentations etc. It can be hard to juggle priorities and ensure that you give everyone the attention they deserve. In my case, with four kids, this is always a challenging time of year when it comes to getting to everything and being a supportive, loving parent whilst maintaining my sanity.
The importance of Self Expression in Leadership and Life
When I speak of expression I wouldn’t blame you for conjuring up images of you telling your boss to get stuffed, having a massive argument with your in-laws, singing at the top of your voice while driving (out of tune if it’s me!) or delivering a speech at your wedding (with the aid of a little bit of booze). Rather, expression is the most honest form of communication you will ever take part in. When somebody fully expresses themselves, regardless of the activity they are engaged in, you can feel it.
Performance Management vs Performance Investment: The devil is in your intentions
Feeling shellshocked, Paul left the meeting room feeling confused. Words that his manager had used like ‘disappointed’, ‘commitment’, ‘performance’, and ‘proactivity’ were all jumbled up in his head. The message was that Paul needed to lift his performance as his manager had been disappointed with the results; he needed to show a bit more proactivity and commitment. It was then followed up with, “we’re here to support you to be successful”. Paul knew his probation was due to finish up in exactly four weeks. Blinded by his emotions, Paul agreed to ‘lift his game’ while suppressing the noise his guts were making as they churned with fear.
The Universe is a Dick!
Have you ever had one of those days where everything seems to go perfectly wrong? It’s as if it doesn’t matter what you do, it feels like someone or something is conspiring against you…. like you’re being punished for something that you’ve done. About ten years ago, I got a phone call from one of my clients who was in a tough spot and he really needed to talk. He shared the following. He’d moved interstate to follow his heart, took a job offer which fell through, got evicted from his rental property and got a call from his mother to tell him that his father was on his deathbed. He booked a plane ticket home so he could go visit his father in hospital but before he got on the plane, his girlfriend…the one he followed his heart for letting him know she was no longer in love with him and had been seeing another man. Lost for words at the sheer volume of unfortunate events that had coincided I waited for him to break the silence. He simply said, “the universe is a dick”. On this point, at the time, I couldn’t disagree with him or offer any form of wisdom to counter it…so I readily adopted the phrase.
Emotions trump talent and purpose: Like a kite without a string
It was windy, very windy, the perfect day to fly a kite. I was about 12 years old and the proud owner of a stunt kite…you know the triangular shaped ones that do loops and spins once you’ve learned how to master them. Well, given the wind was blowing I thought I’d take my kite for a spin but not just as it was, I wanted to see how high it could go so I craftily enhanced it by tying an extra 200metres of 30-pound fishing line onto the existing string. This was going to be good! I appealed to a couple of mates to come to join me but to no avail. I didn’t care…the excitement of flying my stunt kite in near gale forced winds with an extra 200 metres of line propelled me to my destination.
The cliché of poor communication
If you ask someone if they are a good driver, most people will indicate that they are above average. This is also true for intelligence, leadership, and even communication. This phenomenon is known as the Dunning-Krueger effect. Basically, most of us have an inflated sense of our capability regarding pretty much everything we do. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule (of course you are thinking you are one of them) but mostly, it’s true. What’s even scarier is that those of us that are most incompetent overestimate our abilities to a greater extent.
5 Reasons why perspective matters
I distinctly remember the first time I created a sculpture.My art teacher had decided that a boy in our class who suffered from rheumatoidarthritis would need to sit on a chair positioned on top of the tables so wecould all observe him as our “subject”. I remember feeling sorry for the guy ashe was mildly disfigured due to his disease. I wasn’t sure if the teacher hadasked him to be the subject for this reason…. or had he nominated himself tohave a whole class full of students use his body as the subject matter fortheir sculpture.
How master manipulators keep you on their string
As a child, the world is full of wonderment, everyexperience is new and filled with excitement. The world feels like a magicalplace of endless possibility. Until of course, we hit our teenage years and oneday we wake up to the familiar burden of the mundane, the known and the boring.While the contrast is stark, our wonderment slowly ebbs away with each joyfulexperience fading like a favourite shirt that’s seen too much sun. As adults,we are constantly pursuing the magic, the innocence and the curiosity that weall once had for the world. So much so that we can overcompensate by fallingvictim to those that see our insecurities, our weaknesses, and our deepestdesires.
