How master manipulators keep you on their string

As a child, the world is full of wonderment, everyexperience is new and filled with excitement. The world feels like a magicalplace of endless possibility. Until of course, we hit our teenage years and oneday we wake up to the familiar burden of the mundane, the known and the boring.While the contrast is stark, our wonderment slowly ebbs away with each joyfulexperience fading like a favourite shirt that’s seen too much sun. As adults,we are constantly pursuing the magic, the innocence and the curiosity that weall once had for the world. So much so that we can overcompensate by fallingvictim to those that see our insecurities, our weaknesses, and our deepestdesires.

When I was about 15, my dad was working toward developing a puppet show that he could tour locally in schools, markets, and private shows. He’d worked long and hard on it and needed someone to help him out as a second performer. Being fascinated with such things, I was more than happy to help. As I got to understand the show, learn my lines, practice how to perform using glove puppets, I soon began to appreciate the art form. I also became increasingly aware of the ‘magic’ tricks associated with bringing a puppet to life. For example, if you’ve ever watched a puppet show, what makes it brilliant is when the puppets interact with the audience. They come to life as real characters by asking questions, pointing people out and making quick-witted comments in response to any hecklers (usually a pesky 3-year-old) amongst the audience. For a child, the mystery is too great…and the puppets are confirmed as the real deal. There is no possibility that they are fake. For adults, they are impressed at the cleverness of the script and wonder how such a feat is achieved…all the while knowing that a puppeteer is in control of the show.

They keep us on their string by being highly entertaining to all, brilliant storytellers, quick-witted and almost psychic in their responsiveness to their stakeholders. Such abilities are extremely powerful for influencing stakeholders and equally damaging for those that get drawn in.

For those of you that know, this will seem obvious, but the secret lies in the material used as the backdrop. It’s a very thin vale, with highly reflective material so when lights are shone directly at its surface it sparkles brilliantly for the audience. For the puppeteer, however, this becomes the perfect camouflage to observe the audience undetected. For the illusion to work, the puppeteer must be in complete darkness otherwise their silhouette becomes detectable and the illusion of the puppets being alive is destroyed. I distinctly recall one show where my dad and I were about halfway through our version of 3 billy goats gruff. Suddenly an overly bold child (most likely the pesky 3-year-old heckler from before) snuck around the back of our puppet theatre and lifted the canvas door. Light poured in exposing the magic trick, the child’s face was a combination of excitement and disbelief. The answer they were looking for was right in front of them….they just didn’t want to believe that what once was beautiful and magical was now just a man with his hand in a puppet.

Puppeteers are master manipulators, actors and magicians all rolled into one. An ageless art form that continues to capture the imagination of audiences to this day. I’d like you to consider the master manipulators you’ve come across in your work-life over the years. More specifically, I’m referring to the Machiavellian leaders from the Dark Triad (Machiavellian, Narcissism, Psychopathy). Those that appear to be able to manipulate us with their cunning, strategic minds. Lure us in with their charisma and appear to understand our emotional state providing us with a sense of comfort and security. They always know what the right thing is to say. Like the puppeteer, these master manipulators have a highly reflective backdrop that when surrounded by darkness makes their true character completely undetectable. They keep us on their string by being highly entertaining to all, brilliant storytellers, quick-witted and almost psychic in their responsiveness to their stakeholders. Such abilities are extremely powerful for influencing stakeholders and equally damaging for those that get drawn in.

Nobody likes being manipulated, especially when they have no idea it is happening. There are those that prefer not to know how a magic trick works and enjoy the sheer entertainment of it all. They buy their ticket at the door, scoff some popcorn and immerse themselves in the experience. In contrast, there are some that prefer not to get involved at all. They stay at home in safety, never exposing themselves to the thrill of the illusion. Finally, there are those that are familiar with the ‘magic’ of it all and revel in the opportunity to take up a ringside seat at the circus, carefully watching each act to see if they can spot the trick, catch the illusion or unveil the master manipulator.

As a psychologist and executive coach, I’d like to share myperspective on how to deal with a Machiavellian leader as it’s highly likelythat you will have to at some stage….or most likely already have!

1. If you’ve cottoned on to their cunning ways, manipulative tendencies, and magnetic lure. Move on, get out and don’t look back. While you may want to go toe to toe with them, demonstrating your ability to uncloak their true character, you’ll ultimately fail.
2. If you’re currently caught in the web of a Machiavellian leader but aren’t sure, ask yourself how they make you feel. If this swings between “I can do anything” to “I feel smaller than a grain of sand”, I hate to break it to you but you’re being manipulated. Upon this realisation, see point 1) Move on, get out and don’t look back.
3. Like most people, you’ll ignore my advice and think that you are a smart capable human being who is resilient and strong. Therefore, you will go toe to toe, you’ll jump in the ring with them and give it all you’ve got. You may even knock them down a few times but to your dismay, they keep popping back up again like a bobo doll. Here’s the secret, like the highly reflective backdrop of a puppet theatre, you can’t see the puppeteer’s true character, the harder you look you will begin to see a form. That form is merely your own distorted reflection, your shadow self, aka, your dark side. The sooner you recognise that by fighting the Machiavellian leader, you are fighting with yourself, the better equipped you will be to bow out gracefully, move on, get out, and never look back.

One closing remark, spare a thought for the Machiavellian leader, the master manipulator or the genius puppeteer. While you may not feel they deserve any of your empathy, consider their existence. Highly reflective, surrounded by darkness, living by stealth to remain undetected. A keen observer of others, but never observing themselves. Their own reflection is impossible to detect in the absence of light. Despite their relationships, they are never truly known to others. A victim of themselves, ostracised by their inability to see themselves. As one can only imagine, isolated to a small room in complete darkness devoid of any connections would be the ultimate punishment. Understand that when you try to take them on, you are stepping into that darkness with them. My advice, have empathy for their suffering then move on, get out and never look back!