Honestly, are you being honest with yourself?
Let’s face it, times are tough, businesses are cost cutting to hit their targets, overworking employees and in some cases shutting the doors altogether. With such a competitive market there is a growing trend for managers and leaders to shy away from having tough conversations. Similarly, employees are less likely to be forthcoming about the fears they have and challenges they are experiencing but rather invest their energy in the multiple job interviews they have lined up to ‘escape’ the situation.With so few people being honest, why is it that “honesty” and “integrity” are some of the most commonly espoused values for companies but in terms of outwardly observable behaviour, are the most difficult to find?The answer lies in basic psychology and classical conditioning. As Ivan Pavlov discovered with his famous experiments on dogs, the repeated pairing of a high pitched sound with presentation of food eventually leads to a conditioned response (saliva production) when the sound is heard. This very basic demonstration of conditioning is at the core of why people avoid being honest. More specifically, through experience people learn that by being honest, bad things happen. Take for example when your wife asks you if she looks good in the new dress she purchased…or if your brother asks you to be honest about his latest choice in girlfriend...or a narcissistic and egotistical colleague approaches you for feedback on how they are perceived in the workplace…or worse still your boss asks you to explain why the team engagement scores are plummeting. The easy answer is….tell them what they want to hear…not what they are asking.This socially expected (and reinforced) response is based on what we want confirmed, but like the empty repetition of behaviour associated with retail therapy, drug abuse, and sex addiction, the behaviour meets a need but leads to no growth. It fails to challenge us at the most basic of levels. Moreover, it casts a shadow over the part of oneself that is actually yearning love, appreciation and recognition. Without honesty, we are not challenged, without challenge we have no purpose. Without purpose, we have no direction and without direction we never reach our destination.So again, I ask you the question, if honesty is something that most people hold as a personal value and is reflected in the guiding principles of so many influential corporations, why is it that we fill our days navigating around how we avoid telling people the truth? Is it fear of losing friends? Fear of losing a job opportunity? Or simply fear of the unknown? I think it goes deeper than that. I think it’s fear of facing yourself….what you know needs to happen and what you know you need to do.So, if your still trying to figure out if you really are living your values of honesty and integrity try asking yourself the following questions:
- Are you allocating time to be honest with yourself?
- Do you trust the people in your team?
- Are you aware of the needs people have in your team?
- Do you understand your own needs?