'Crazy Busy' is bullshit
It’s Wednesday morning, you’ve dragged yourself out of bed following a restless night due to an ever expanding to-do list that seems to be spiraling out of control. After gulping down your first coffee for the day, you battle the rush-hour traffic before launching yourself into the first of a series of back to back meetings that prevent you from tackling your to-do list, which by now has almost doubled. By 3pm you’re on your 3rd coffee and bunkering down for a long evening as your boss kindly reminded you that since they are flying out tomorrow for a conference, they need your presentation pack no later than 9:00am so they can review it. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, your good mate texts you to confirm dinner plans that you’ve forgotten about. After replying with an apologetic text letting them know you won’t be able to make it, you focus-in on what needs to be done and power through your work. By the time you get home, it’s after 10, and you’re too tired to eat dinner. In fact, the only thing you can think about is retiring on the couch with a glass of wine and your favourite show on Netflix. If you’ve been quietly nodding to yourself while reading this, it’s likely that you’re not focusing on what’s most important to you. Unfortunately, the above scenario, or similar variant, is an all too common story for many people. What’s worse, it’s actually considered ‘normal’ and in some cases applauded or worn as a badge of honour.
"My advice; if you’re one of those ‘crazy busy’ people that smashes through your day, stop right now as it’s killing you"
When working with people that are wantingto improve their performance, productivity or personal wellbeing I like to askthem a simple but powerful question; “What’s most important to you right now?”.While some people take some time to respond, the answer rarely relates to ato-do list or even work related tasks. Not surprisingly, people refer to theirfamily, friends, making a meaningful contribution, doing what they love andinvesting in their health and wellbeing. You might then ask, “Why don’t people investtime on what they know is most important?”. You might even be thinking thatit’s all well and good to want to spend time with family and friends in lieu ofyour to-do list but will that lead you to success? Most people grit theirteeth, battle through and gravitate toward the ‘crazy busy’ whirlwind of lifein the fast lane. My advice; if you’re one of those ‘crazy busy’ people thatsmashes through your day, stop right now as it’s killing you. Moreover, byburning the candle at both ends, you are less likely to be successful in yourjob and in life. In a recent article published in the HBR, Stew Friedman introduceshis research which concludes that great performers make their personal lives apriority. Somewhat counterintuitively they enhance their performance at work byfocusing on what is meaningful in their lives, by staying true to themselvesand making sure they are aligned to their purpose.
So what can you do?
One final thought to leave you with. Dropthe belief that you need to be a certain way, meet somebody else’s expectationor ‘push through’ to be successful. Sustainable performance and harmony canonly be achieved when you align who you are (warts and all) with what you do.
- The first step is to gainawareness or get present to how you are operating. Do this by noticing how yourespond when people ask how you are. Do you respond honestly or do you simplythrow a “I’m crazy busy” cliché back at them.
- Secondly, once you gainawareness, you need to get really clear about what is most important to you. Ifthis is hard or you’re drawing a blank, think about someone you love and startthere.
- Thirdly, and definitely themost difficult, ask yourself frequently “right now, what is most important tome?”. This is likely to highlight gaps for you but it will also keep youhonest.
- Lastly, if you go down the pathof justifying why being ‘crazy busy’ is a good thing, I’d like to appeal toyour more practical side and ask that you stop bullshitting yourself (this ismy technical term for it).
If you could use a little help navigating your way through the 'crazy busy' nature of your world, let's connect.
What's Your Story
We live in a world fueled by narrative thatgets reinforced in every moment of every day. As we all know, storytelling isone of the best ways to communicate, learn, lead and inspire but what if I toldyou that your story is holding you back?
As an executive coach and psychologist,I’ve had the honour of working with people from all walks of life, facing allsorts of challenges. The one thing that remains consistent across everyone I’veworked with is that their story, while unique and interesting, holds them backfrom becoming all of who they are.
"As human beings, we are hard-wired to use our intelligence to make meaning of what is happening around us"
At this point, I need to clarify exactly what I mean by story as I’m likely to have lost a few of you on this point. Simply put, your “story” is what you tell yourself in any given moment. It’s that little voice in your head that convinces you to push the snooze button in the morning rather that get up early and go to the gym, or to not ask that question in a meeting as someone might think it’s stupid or that your boss clearly doesn’t think you’re capable of delivering on an important project. As human beings, we are hard-wired to use our intelligence to make meaning of what is happening around us. Ultimately, we love to think that we are totally in control. To reassure ourselves that we are in control, we tell ourselves a very convincing story that always makes us right.
At this point, most people startquestioning their story and what they might be telling themselves, which isonly natural. I will warn you though, once you go down the path of understandingwhat you’ve been telling yourself, you’ve got to be willing to explore a newnarrative for yourself. While confronting, once you recognise your own story,you are well position to be the author of what happens next.
Here are a couple of considerations toleave you with
Getreal with yourself- What do you tell yourself? Isit really true? Is what you tell yourself helpful or is it holding you back?
Checkin with what you want- Rather than live in your oldnarrative, explore something new for yourself. Start by asking yourself ‘what’s most important to me right now?’
Youdetermine what happens next- Many of us are caughtup in the details of our lives and seek clarity to move forward. The realityis, from moment to moment, we are moving forward and what you tell yourself isthe key to unlocking what happens next.
To sum it all up, a quote from Henry Ford-“Whether you think you can,or you think you can't – you're right”
If you want help to explore how your story might be holding you back, contact me here
The coach as 'tracker'
A simple search for ‘coach’ on LinkedIn throws back over 1.5 million matches. Given the popularity of the title ‘coach’ and how it varies from person to person, I thought I’d weigh in by providing my perspective.What is a coach?Simply put, a coach is a person that listens without judgement and facilitates a fluid conversation to help you gain clarity. There is nothing magic or special about this process but it does require great skill to be an effective coach. A great coach will pick up on your ‘true’ self and keep following the trail you leave and nudging you back on course when you deviate.What to expect from a coach?While there are many ways to look at this, in any coaching conversation I aim to achieve a true connection with the coachee. This can only be done by being 100% present and in the moment with that person. There also has to be an element of adaptability within the coach and coachee as while we might want to plan a coaching conversation from beginning to end, very often, the fluidity of the conversation unearths new areas to explore. So, you can expect to:1) Be challenged in a way that you hadn't necessarily planned for.2) Have someone guide you back to what matters most and where you should be focussing your attention3) Be engaged in a conversation with yourself that you normally don't make time for i.e. being real about what's going on.How will you know things are progressing?When asked to describe coaching, I like to use the analogy of a bush tracker. A tracker’s objective is to identify and follow the trail of someone or something until they can locate their exact position. To the untrained eye, a tracker can appear to be ‘lost’ or not following a trail at all. A beautiful example of this was illustrated in the Australian film 'The Tracker' where a young police officer questioned a seasoned tracker’s ability to locate their target accusing the tracker of leading them off course into the desert, potentially to their demise. In reply to the challenge, the seasoned tracker, with his steely eyes and unrelenting focus, simply pointed forward and said “that way” . To demonstrate how he knew which way to go, the tracker got down close to the ground and pointed to a tiny rock, not more than a centimetre wide, which had been kicked over just one quarter of a turn. In amazement, the young police officer asked “That’s all you need”? and off they went. This had a profound impact on me as so often people are looking for the ‘big’ answer or the ‘high impact’ sign to let them know they are on track. When you slow things down and truly listen, it’s the small seemingly insignificant clues that illuminate the way forward.Like a tracker seeking their target, a coach is helping you hone in on your true self, the path you desire most and the direction you need to take in your life. A skilled coach is able to recognise the small ‘stones’ you kick over and ensure you stay on course.What benefits will come from coaching? As coaching expands as an industry, so does the evidence supporting the benefits of coaching. Executive coaching has been found increase workplace wellbeing, goal attainment and resilience while decreasing stress and anxiety (Grant, Curtayne & Burton, 2009). Gallup, a global leader in strengths based management, has conducted research demonstrating that increases in profit, sales, customer engagement, employee engagement and reductions in turnover and safety incidents can all be linked back to strengths based coaching and management practices (Rigoni & Asplund, 2016). In addition to the growing body of quantitative evidence supporting executive coaching as a highly effective intervention, qualitative data suggests coachees experience an increase in self awareness, confidence, clarity, alignment to purpose and life satisfaction. Certainly with my own clients, coaching can be a highly profound, deeply personal process that creates significant positive change. All of my clients would agree that it isn't easy, but well worth the effort.Is coaching for everyone?My personal experience with coaching has taught me that the benefits a coachee receives are directly proportional to their readiness and willingness to be coached. For those that are willing and ready, coaching can be an amazing opportunity to bring forward decisions, tap into their true abilities and achieve their greatest aspirations. Beyond success, a coach’s greatest gift they can give a person is allowing them to fully embrace all of who they are and not be ashamed to show the world.If you'd like to explore how coaching might benefit you or someone you know, give me a call! ReferencesGrant, A., Frith, L., Burton, G. (2009). Executive coaching enhances goal attainment, resilience and workplace well-being: a randomised controlled study. The Journal of Positive Psychology: dedicated to furthering research and promoting good practice, 4(5), 396-407.Rigoni, B., Asplund, J. (2016). Coaches: Essential to building strengths-based companies. Gallup Business Journal, December 2016.
Why is Executive Coaching Important?
People, engagement and culture – It’s life or death
I became a Psychologist because I have a deep fascination in understanding people and using this understanding to influence how they behave. To me, regardless of how it is perceived, all behaviour is simply ‘interesting’. When I first started working as an Organisational Psychologist, like many others, I was quickly introduced to the world of spreadsheets and data collection which, in truth, I found pretty draining and monotonous. Within my first few weeks I had compiled numerous presentations describing the engagement and culture of organisations but the work I was doing didn’t feel ‘real’. I couldn’t help but notice that the data looked quite similar from one organisation to the next and that the recommendations that went with that were somewhat generic. Of course, there were differences in the data but to what extent those differences were expressed in real behavioural terms was unknown to me at the time. After a few months, an opportunity arose to conduct some qualitative focus groups. In preparing for the brief, I reviewed the quantitative results and noted that they were pretty low (in the bottom 10% of the global database) and the CEO had flat out rejected the quantitative data and demanded that we go speak to the frontline to determine the ‘truth’, which in his mind, was that the engagement levels were some of the highest in the world. As my first road trip, I was extremely excited to be out and about but also to test my belief that the data may not be real and that the last few months of my career had'nt been a big fat waste of time.The client was a manufacturing and engineering organisation, 98% male with 0% females in leadership positions. In fact, the first group that I presented to was about sixty people of which I was informed at least two were female. They were so well disguised amongst the group (most likely out of self-preservation or fear) that it took me until the end of the session before I could point them out. So, there I was, in a room full of blokes that according to the data, were some of the most disengaged people on the planet. Was it real? I tried to ask myself that question at the time but the giant lump in my throat induced by a combination of fear, anxiety and utter disbelief confirmed it was valid. The reality was, the CEO was wrong. What I experienced from the group was deep seeded anger, bitterness, resentment and learned helplessness and this all confirmed what the data had first indicated. What’s worse is when presented with the 'qualitative truth' as requested, the CEO was adamant that we had made an error and that our research methodology was incorrect.There were a few important lessons from that first gig that I carry with me wherever I go.
- The data is real but represents a generalised view of what’s going on and often overlooks the important factors that reflect truth.
- Speaking to people and eyeballing the organisation is essential in determining the truth but needs to be complemented by some far reaching quantitative data.
- What the CEO and executive team choose to accept and believe determines the reality of the organisation. If they believe they are engaged, no data however compelling will convince them otherwise. There must be a level of openness and receptivity in order to create change.
- Ultimately, qualitative data represents the truth and quantitative data represents how generalisable that truth really is. The real power comes from interpreting them together.
WANT TO EXPERIENCE COACHING?
Are you keen to explore coaching? Not sure if it’s right for you? Got someone in your team that you think could benefit? I know that making first contact can be tough, especially if you have doubts. Book in your obligation free first session to see if I’m the right fit for you.
NEED HELP WITH CULTURE, OR TEAM ENGAGEMENT?
As a registered Organisational Psychologist, I’ve got the skills and capability to help you master your culture and engagement challenges. I also spent 7 years working for GALLUP, a world leader in engagement, discovering the best strategies to engage your team, enhance productivity and increase profitability. Book in a call below to discuss how I can support you.
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CHECK-OUT WHAT ELSE I DO
I love writing articles but just in case you were wondering, it’s not all I do. Have a look at my website to discover some of my services, what my clients say about me, and some other interesting facts.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME
I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.
If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825
We all need a bit of True Perspective
About five years ago, I was working with a talented CEO to help increase the effectiveness of their organisation. After measuring the organisation’s engagement and debriefing the executive team on the scores, we agreed that rolling out team workshops with all employees was the best next step. Throughout the process of rolling out the workshops, it became blatantly obvious that leaders and their teams were not skilled at or ready to have honest conversations with each other.During one of our coaching sessions, the CEO confessed that the executive team were amongst the worst offenders when it came to telling each other what they wanted to hear vs what they needed to hear. Moreover, the CEO was pretty certain with each of the executives, rarely did they present the truth or raise difficult matters. When it comes down to it, as human beings we fear conflict and our brains have evolved to avoid threat at all costs i.e. fight or flight response. Due to this, we are really good at pussyfooting around issues, avoiding conflict and overall, keeping the peace. While this feels good in the moment, it ultimately delays the inevitable; addressing the elephant in the room. In behavioural economics, this is a form of cognitive bias known as system justification or more simply put, maintaining the status quo because that is perceived as 'easier' than the alternative.This common truth that people generally don’t like to have difficult conversations illustrates one of the biggest paradoxes I’ve come across in human behaviour. That is, we are all seeking to be the best version of ourselves, asking for feedback in order to increase our performance, in yet when asked to provide our perspective, we retreat back to safety in order to preserve our relationships. If you want some True Perspective, you need to be willing to give it.As an organisational psychologist and performance coach, I help people gain True Perspective. True Perspective is the balance between how you view yourself with how others view you. In other words, when you have true perspective the status quo is challenged, the vail is lifted and for the first time you’ll be able to see yourself the way the rest of the world does.Here are a couple of points to note:
- Be warned, True Perspective may be hard to hear and you may not like what you ‘see in the mirror’ but it’s what you do what that True Perspective that matters
- If you want True Perspective, be willing to give it back to others. If you aren’t willing to have the honest conversation with others, they won’t bother having it with you.
- If you think you already have True Perspective and you don’t need it, you’re most likely deluded. Like everything that takes expertise, you can’t practice this on your own. Due to our ‘clever’ brains, we can’t gauge our own True Perspective. It has to come from an objective source.
- If you love giving True Perspective but ‘shut the door’ on any that comes back your way I challenge you to challenge yourself first, then challenge others.
Why trust is a dirty word
When we consider trust, what do we actually mean? Is it the idea that somebody will get the job done in that “I completely trust that you will lead this project to success”. Or is it more about the underlying motivation or agenda that one carries? For example “I’m not sure why my colleagues have called this meeting….I don’t have complete trust in their motivations”. The other aspect of trust could be more applicable in a team situation where such comments as “We all need to trust each other more….that way we can be more effective as a team” or “Let’s start by getting to know one another on a deeper level”. Sound familiar?When we consider the abovementioned examples, what we are really talking about is understanding. “ I understand what you are capable of and know you will lead the project to success”. “I understand the motivations behind calling a meeting and it makes sense” Or “I understand the values and needs of everyone in my team which makes me feel close to them”.Without understanding, we default to assumptions which start to erode any trust that exists or fail to build trust if it was never present. As I mentioned in my post about honesty where I dissected the difficulties people face with being honest…..trust is also plagued with similar challenges. In order to build trust in other people and in teams, vulnerability must be acknowledged and embraced. So really, without honesty, trust can’t grow, without trust, people don’t share information and we end up communicating in an inefficient 'cloak and dagger' world that encourages us to engage in behaviour that benefits us at the expense of others.I’ve facilitated countless sessions where trust has been flagged as a key issue within the team. Those that have the courage to raise the issue are usually frowned upon or tainted with creating the problem by verbalising it. So, next time you are in that team offsite, it’s at the end of the day and no real actions have come from it and you see your manager pushing for someone to address the elephant in the room. Before you blurt out trust as the issue, consider your understanding of the team dynamics, the individual differences and your understanding of what is holding the team back.If, after consideration, you are still going to raise trust as an issue, I challenge you to experiment by substituting the word "trust" for a profanity to see how the responses differ. You will likely find that, like the word trust, you will get lots of attention, but it will usually be overlooked or ignored as a lapse in judgement or loss of control. If you aren't feeling trusted in or trusting of your team, the likelihood is high that others are feeling the same way. To change this try the following:
- Frame the issue around gaining a deeper understanding of the team's purpose and put forward your intent as constructive and long term.
- Rather than state the obvious, take some individual responsibility to create a team that you want to be part of. Verbalise the traits of a team you would be proud to be a part of.
- Put forward suggestions to improve team collaboration that YOU would like to take the lead on.
- If there are some obvious personality clashes in the room, rather than tip-toe around it, tackle it head on. Like ripping off a bandaid, it might hurt in the moment, but it will allow the team to move forward.
Honestly, are you being honest with yourself?
Let’s face it, times are tough, businesses are cost cutting to hit their targets, overworking employees and in some cases shutting the doors altogether. With such a competitive market there is a growing trend for managers and leaders to shy away from having tough conversations. Similarly, employees are less likely to be forthcoming about the fears they have and challenges they are experiencing but rather invest their energy in the multiple job interviews they have lined up to ‘escape’ the situation.With so few people being honest, why is it that “honesty” and “integrity” are some of the most commonly espoused values for companies but in terms of outwardly observable behaviour, are the most difficult to find?The answer lies in basic psychology and classical conditioning. As Ivan Pavlov discovered with his famous experiments on dogs, the repeated pairing of a high pitched sound with presentation of food eventually leads to a conditioned response (saliva production) when the sound is heard. This very basic demonstration of conditioning is at the core of why people avoid being honest. More specifically, through experience people learn that by being honest, bad things happen. Take for example when your wife asks you if she looks good in the new dress she purchased…or if your brother asks you to be honest about his latest choice in girlfriend...or a narcissistic and egotistical colleague approaches you for feedback on how they are perceived in the workplace…or worse still your boss asks you to explain why the team engagement scores are plummeting. The easy answer is….tell them what they want to hear…not what they are asking.This socially expected (and reinforced) response is based on what we want confirmed, but like the empty repetition of behaviour associated with retail therapy, drug abuse, and sex addiction, the behaviour meets a need but leads to no growth. It fails to challenge us at the most basic of levels. Moreover, it casts a shadow over the part of oneself that is actually yearning love, appreciation and recognition. Without honesty, we are not challenged, without challenge we have no purpose. Without purpose, we have no direction and without direction we never reach our destination.So again, I ask you the question, if honesty is something that most people hold as a personal value and is reflected in the guiding principles of so many influential corporations, why is it that we fill our days navigating around how we avoid telling people the truth? Is it fear of losing friends? Fear of losing a job opportunity? Or simply fear of the unknown? I think it goes deeper than that. I think it’s fear of facing yourself….what you know needs to happen and what you know you need to do.So, if your still trying to figure out if you really are living your values of honesty and integrity try asking yourself the following questions:
- Are you allocating time to be honest with yourself?
- Do you trust the people in your team?
- Are you aware of the needs people have in your team?
- Do you understand your own needs?