How do you rate your empathy? Try being John Malkovich!
If you haven’t seen the film, ‘being John Malkovich’ is a bizarre story that provides insight into the concept of being able to inhabit somebody else’s skin, feel what they feel and move how they move. In doing so, you learn more about yourself by feeling free to express and explore who you are through the vessel of another. It beautifully conveys the power of empathy to enable deep reflection to take place about ones own thoughts, feelings and behaviour. What’s so wonderful about this film is that John Malkovich stars as John Malkovich, which to me, is the ultimate test of empathy.
The view of you: Let’s talk about perspective
Perspective-taking, in my opinion, is one of the most useful tools any of us have in our life skills toolbelt. Equally, losing perspective is one of the greatest handicaps one can suffer. Being able to shift perspective helps us re-focus in times of crisis, understand somebody else’s behaviour or point of view, see new possibilities for old problems, and learn from our mistakes. Given the ability to shift your perspective is so powerful, I reckon it’s an ability worth practising.
Leadership: The Truth of it All
Put simply, leadership is following the truth or as I like to say it’s leading with the truth. Now, before you dismiss this as a hippy woo-woo definition, keep reading. When I say ‘the truth’ I don’t mean to get into a deep philosophical debate about perception and reality. I’m simply referring to your ability to recognise what ‘feels right’ or ‘sounds right’ to you. Think of it like a musician tuning a string instrument by ear, there is a calibration that takes place through the tensioning of the strings before the note they are looking for resonates sweetly. Now, without prior experience of hearing a properly tuned instrument, you won’t know how to tune it and regardless of the music you play, it’s guaranteed to sound terrible. So how did we ever land on an agreement about what was ‘in tune’ vs ‘out of tune’? A universal truth. Regardless of whether you are a musician or not, you can differentiate between an instrument that is poorly tuned vs one that is perfectly tuned. It requires no prior knowledge of music…you just know it when you hear it.
Attention all Parents and Managers: Do You Care Enough?
The similarities of being a parent and leading a team of people in a work context are undeniable. Parents and leaders alike, often describe feeling like they are pulled from pillar to post, selflessly giving all of who they are for the betterment of their successors. They shield them from compromising situations, they protect their welfare (helicopter parents or ‘air-cover’ in the work context), they teach them valuable life lessons and they mentor them to improve (otherwise known as lecturing). Interestingly, both parents and leaders describe a similar frustration with their perceived lack of appreciation by saying things like “If only they knew how valuable these lessons are that I’m teaching them” or “I put so much effort into making sure their situation is better than what I had to deal with…they just don’t seem to get it” or “I’m done….I can’t keep making all these sacrifices and not receive any sort of thanks or recognition for everything I do”….or “ you know what…I don’t care anymore, they can do whatever they want… one day they’ll realise I’m right”.
Everybody has a plan until you get hit by a truck!
As an avid martial arts fan, I was recently reminded of the brutal simplicity of Mike Tyson’s infamous quote “Everybody has a plan until you get punched in the face”. Coupled with my recent experience, I wanted to explore the concept of managing your emotions; a skill and critical element in demonstrating emotional intelligence.
Can you state your purpose?…Or is that not practical enough for you?
To have a purpose is to have resolve, determination, and an intrinsic reason to act. It enables intention to meet action so what you do, has meaning. When someone is clear on their purpose, they have a spring in their step, an air of confidence about them that is powerful, unique and engaging. Without purpose, time can stretch so a moment morphs into a day, and a day bleeds into a week and before you know it, you are chunking time in decades or more, and while a lot has happened most of it wasn’t really intentional. It’s so easy to get caught up in the fast lane that you end up getting carried with the momentum of everybody else…so much so that you forget about purpose altogether. It’s how our brains ensure we survive, like a herd of Wildebeests running from danger, all moving in the same direction to limit their chances of being attacked. Much of society and culture is about moving with the herd to ensure survival. The problem with this? if you do happen to get isolated or marginalised, you’ll need your purpose more than ever.