What’s really derailing you?

Right now, you and most of your colleagues are reflecting on 2019 and planning for 2020. Some go through a rigorous process of mapping out the year, setting goals, and create a clear execution plan. Others like to be a little gentler on themselves and make a pact with themselves about what they are going to do differently so they don’t suffer the same sort of fate that 2019 served up. This planning can involve personal, work or a combination of both priorities. While I think whatever process you use is totally fine, and the idea of readying yourself for the year to come is also an excellent mindset too often I see people thrusting themselves into inevitable failure. How do I know? I’ve done it myself…repeatedly.

For example, when I was at university, I had a tendency to spend a whole lot of time setting up structure and systems at the start of the first semester of the year to ensure that I was organised. I’d diligently study and do all my extra reading. By mid-term, my enthusiasm was waning, just when all of the important assignments were being issued. I’d put loads of work into researching and coming up with great ideas but didn’t like putting it all down on paper until it was ‘really good’. I’d rarely hand an assignment in late but would usually submit something that was more like a 2nd draft than a finished product. The result of all of this was usually a comment on my paper that it lacked polish and seemed incomplete. My pattern in this situation was to over-engineer the structure, research and content of my assignment. I feared to hand in a sub-standard paper that didn’t have any real substance or depth of thinking beneath it. When it came to finishing it off, I lacked clarity in my thinking and because I was exhausted my commitment to quality dropped off. The outcome was mediocre results, a credit at best.

Unfortunately for me, I didn’t know my pattern for at least a decade after I left university. Now, I approach assignments with much less structure or research in the beginning. I start conceptually and build it out from there. This enables me to be far more productive and less attached to one idea.  I can easily pivot from one idea to the next because my focus is not to finesse my idea to perfection before I write anything. It’s more about blurting out everything onto paper and finessing it iteratively. The irony with this is my initial desire to be conscientious and quality focussed created a pattern of behaviour that caused the exact opposite. Often, what we think is the problem e.g procrastination, lack of structure, discipline, is not the issue at all. You need to look deeper than the obvious to identify the real pattern of thinking, feeling and behaving that is derailing you.

If you want to identify the underlying pattern that is hidden under the vale of well-intentioned action plans, lofty personal goals, and vague commitments to changing something read on

Warning! None of this will work if you aren’t really honest with yourself. At this point, I’m going to require you to stop the bullshit, quit pretending, and give yourself some tough love.

1)      Name your Mindset: Don’t overthink this. Just give it a word such as Open, Curious, Excited, fixed, growth-oriented, never-give-up etc. For the example above regarding me at university, my mindset was best summed up at fear of failure. Remember this is not an exercise in determining what you want, it’s about identifying the pattern you carry. You may not like what you write down and that’s usually a good sign you are being honest. Awareness is what we are trying to achieve here so persevere with this task at hand

2)      Know your interpretation: This one is a little trickier as it requires you to step outside yourself for a minute. I’ve previously written about perspective-taking in my article ‘ five perspectives’ if you want some more info on the topic. Ultimately, you need to see how you are interpreting what is happening around you. In relation to my university example, my interpretation was that I would fail if I didn’t have a really structured approach to my study, my assignments, my reading etc. My interpretation; structure and discipline necessary for success, both of which I felt I was incredibly deficient in. I could do it….but it was like pulling teeth, drained all of my energy, and wasn’t sustainable for the entire semester.

3)      Evaluate your environment: When I speak of the environment, I am talking of both the physical and the emotional environments that you create. I would often study at home which offered certain amounts of freedom but was isolating and was easier to get distracted. Doing my work in the library or labs at university was much more focussed and efficient but usually my last choice (my interpretation of structure and discipline involved me isolating myself to avoid distraction). My emotional environment was a harsh landscape, made harsher by the self-inflicted ostracism. I’d punish myself with gruelling study sessions and force myself to relisten to lectures that I didn’t fully grasp. It was a begrudging exercise filled with resentment. This shroud of emotion was like a thick fog preventing me from seeing what was further than 10 metres in front of me. To put it bluntly, I was miserable….and I did it to myself.

Now that you’ve Named your Mindset, know your interpretation and evaluated your environment you need to understand how they are interacting to get to the story that’s driving your pattern. Here’s how you do it.

By downloading the worksheet or drawing your own, fill in the Mindset, Interpretation and Environment components. Now, your task is to name the thoughts, feelings and behaviours that are created as a result of the overlapping elements. Below is my worked example based on my time at university.

Fig 1. Worked example- Pattern Recognition

Once you complete filling out each component, you’ll be able to pin it on the wall, step back and see your pattern more clearly. I like to draw a giant diagram on the wall using flip charts stuck together to give me more space. It also enables me to stand back and see the pattern on a large scale. Here’s where it all gets very interesting. If you superimpose the pattern that you identify onto other problems, scenarios and issues that you have in your life, you’ll most likely find that it’s applicable. This is a clue that you’ve correctly identified a recurring pattern of thinking, feeling and behaving. You can use this model to understand why your relationships aren’t working out, jobs keep disappointing you or life isn’t meeting your expectations.

My advice

Before you lock in your annual plan, make sure you understand the patterns that are driving your behaviour. If you don’t, you’re likely to be setting yourself up for a catastrophic and ironical failure. Just remember, how you think affects how you behave, and how you behave affects how you feel. As this cycle continues, it’s always your fault. If you find yourself looking for a silver bullet, someone to blame or an excuse to justify what happened, take a look in the mirror.