Joe Hart 2/8/21 Joe Hart 2/8/21

Emotional Claustrophobia: The feeling of being stuck

For everyone feeling hard done by, cheated, robbed, restricted, shut-down, humiliated, disappointed, frustrated and any other ‘…ed’ you can think of, I’d like to suggest you add “Man’s search for meaning” by Viktor E. Frankl to your reading list. As a survivor of a prisoner of war camp and world-renowned psychiatrist, Viktor beautifully illustrates how you can have everything taken away from you and still draw on wisdom that enables you to choose your experience.

While I’m not claustrophobic, I hate the feeling of being stuck. I can totally understand the idea that small enclosed spaces freak people out and in some cases, something as innocuous as a building elevator can be enough to create overwhelming anxiety.

Right now, a big chunk of the country is in lock-down which after six weeks of restricted movement and plenty of screen time has triggered what I can only describe as emotional claustrophobia. That is, anxiety and depression brought on by forced restriction of movement and social interaction.

Unfortunately, the response to lock-down has lead to a minority acting out through demonstrations of rage, antisocial behaviour, opposition and blame - all of which are understandable.

For everyone feeling hard done by, cheated, robbed, restricted, shut-down, humiliated, disappointed, frustrated and any other ‘…ed’ you can think of, I’d like to suggest you add “Man’s search for meaning” by Viktor E. Frankl to your reading list. As a survivor of a prisoner of war camp and a world-renowned psychiatrist, Viktor beautifully illustrates how you can have everything taken away from you and still draw on the wisdom that enables you to choose your experience.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

― Viktor E. Frankl

Having the time to reflect on my own experiences from past and present, I’m becoming more clear on what it means to ‘choose one’s own way’. Indeed, the situation the world is in right now is real, it’s scary, it’s uncertain and there is no immediate solution to the problem we all face. However, I’m drawing strength from great leaders such as Frankl that were able to choose their mindset, regardless of the hardship they faced.

If you’re feeling stuck and also feel like you’re suffering from a bit of Emotional claustrophobia it’s time to dig deep and resurrect the choices available to you. It is in these choices that you will discover your freedom.

One final quote from Frankl for you to ponder.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

― Viktor E. Frankl

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A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME

I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.

If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825

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Joe Hart 23/7/21 Joe Hart 23/7/21

Leadership: The Truth of it All

Put simply, leadership is following the truth or as I like to say it’s leading with the truth. Now, before you dismiss this as a hippy woo-woo definition, keep reading. When I say ‘the truth’ I don’t mean to get into a deep philosophical debate about perception and reality. I’m simply referring to your ability to recognise what ‘feels right’ or ‘sounds right’ to you. Think of it like a musician tuning a string instrument by ear, there is a calibration that takes place through the tensioning of the strings before the note they are looking for resonates sweetly. Now, without prior experience of hearing a properly tuned instrument, you won’t know how to tune it and regardless of the music you play, it’s guaranteed to sound terrible. So how did we ever land on an agreement about what was ‘in tune’ vs ‘out of tune’? A universal truth. Regardless of whether you are a musician or not, you can differentiate between an instrument that is poorly tuned vs one that is perfectly tuned. It requires no prior knowledge of music…you just know it when you hear it.

Before reading this article, take a moment to answer the following questions thoughtfully. For the purpose of this exercise, you don’t need to be in a formal leadership role. We all have the opportunity to lead ourselves and others in many areas of life. It could be at school, work, on the sporting field, in a family or within a group, club or the wider community. Regardless of your context, answer the following questions as a leader.

Are you a good leader?

How would you describe your leadership?

Do you know how others experience your leadership?

What makes you a better leader than anyone else?

Why would anyone want to follow your lead?

Why you….and why now?

Now that you’ve spent some time reflecting on your own leadership, you’re super clear on the definition of leadership right? Yeah well….if you’re anything like me, you might be comparing your definition with the more than 2 billion definitions that come up from a simple Google search and wondering which one is right!

Rather than quote what is already out there, I’d like to offer some of my thoughts on what good leadership looks like and how you can improve.

Applying this same idea to the sporting realm, when we see somebody performing at a peak level of excellence I.e. they are a well tuned athlete, we notice how effortless, fluid and true they are when they are demonstrating their skills. When striking the ball, leaping in the air, timing their run or delivering a blow, their movements represent a recognisable truth that everyone can see regardless of their level of expertise or prior experience.

Beyond music and sport, this same notion applies to everything you do, including leadership. Leadership, in all of its forms, is your ability to achieve self-mastery by 1. Recognising what is true and 2. Aligning your behaviour with that truth. In music or sport, recognising ‘the truth’ would be to understand what excellence is and evaluate your current performance against it. Aligning your behaviour with that truth would look like a whole lot of hard work in the form of repetitive practice, grit and perseverance. For leadership in the work or organisational context, it becomes a little more tricky as excellence is a bit more difficult to define than striking a ball with finesse or playing a series of chords to perfection. We often fall into the trap of emulating good leadership or refining good leadership characteristics. In my experience, this method creates a paradox whereby the harder you try to be a ‘good leader’ the worse your leadership becomes.

The ‘leadership’ paradox

Often, especially early in one’s career, there is a temptation to model yourself based on a leader that you have previously experienced. Sometimes the leadership was good, other times (very often) not so good but we naturally get anchored by our early experiences and start aligning our behaviour with them. This does little more than create a bunch of noise and distraction that prevents you from being a leader and demonstrating good leadership. We all want to have a roadmap or certainty about what we need to do to become a good leader so we can get to work and have a more positive impact on those around us and the companies we work for. The good news is, I’m going to provide you with a roadmap that will enable you to get to work but before I do, I want to make it ultra-clear that you need to let go of trying to be a leader. This is the paradox of leadership. The harder you try, the worse your leadership will be. Similarly, the more you let go of being a leader, the closer you will get to demonstrating leadership. Bringing it back to sport, the leadership paradox is a bit like generating power when kicking a football, serving a tennis ball or driving a golf ball off a tee. Your focus is on timing and efficiency rather than brute force. The most powerful shots always come with a surprising effortlessness that feels so right and true. When it happens by accident we then spend a great deal of effort trying to replicate the effortlessness!

Self-mastery is the key

The most important insight I can share about what differentiates good leaders from bad leaders is self-mastery. The second most important insight is that self-mastery is something you can never stop pursuing and can never fully achieve. In other words, you can always improve and the process of improvement is constant. To achieve self-mastery there are three elements that you need to be aware of.

Element 1: To have a strengths focus - Having worked for Gallup for the first 7 years of my career I’ve personally seen and experienced the benefits of applying the research insights that have emerged from positive psychology. Too often, we are taught to focus on fixing our weaknesses so we can be well rounded. This seems logical, and also makes sense, that is until you consider how it makes you feel. Constantly focussing on your weaknesses makes you feel tired, inadequate and like you aren’t doing a good job. Furthermore, you will likely improve but plateau at mediocrity. The real benefit is focussing on what comes naturally to you, so you can achieve excellence. In doing so, you can relax into the person you are, rather than try to be somebody you are not. Having a strengths focus also means that the way you see people around you starts to shift. Rather than focus on what is missing from them, you start to see what they offer and how that can help you. A simple way to get to know your strengths is to undertake a personality assessment. The Clifton strengths assessment is a good one but will cost you money. If you’d rather save some coin, you could try the VIA survey instead. They are both good and will give you a starting point to help shift your focus toward your areas of strength.

Element 2: Know and align to your purpose - For many people, articulating their purpose is easy. Now if you’re thinking…yeah…that’s easy, my purpose is to make money, then I need you to dig a little deeper. Of course, we all need money but there is something unique about what gets you excited, what lights you up and when you’re facing your darkest moments, you’ll draw upon to get you out of a rut. Something I’ve learned about people is that we all have a deeper purpose and we all know what it is (intuitively). The problem is, we don’t talk about it often so our ability to articulate our purpose is pretty poor. The irony of being able to articulate it is it’s hard to find when you need it most, that’s why you do the hard work when you aren’t under pressure…sort of like an athlete practice their skills in training so when the big moment comes they can perform. The best way to get clear on your purpose is to start by identifying your core values. You can do this work by yourself or by working with a coach or mentor that can help guide the process. There is no right or wrong answer but your values need to resonate deeply with you for it to be a beneficial exercise. For some, this is an easy exercise while others grapple with it for years. Once you’ve got your values identified, I like to shape them into a purpose statement or a pithy sentence that is meaningful and captures the essence of your values. Don’t worry if you don’t get it quickly, it’s an evolutionary process that will change and develop over time. You don’t need to rush it!

Element 3: Understand how to regulate your emotions - This is by far the greatest challenge but equally the most important element to master. We’ve all heard the term emotional intelligence, which refers to our ability to name, understand, recognise and utilise our emotions effectively. Another popular term thanks to the work of Susan David is Emotional Agility. This is about learning how we can embrace all of our emotions…even the supposed bad ones to help us be more effective leaders. The truth is if you aren’t able to regulate your emotions, then your ability to demonstrate your strengths and live in alignment with your purpose is diminished. Furthermore, when you let your emotions get the better of you, it doesn’t matter how good a leader you are, people only experience your emotion and can’t see your strengths or connect with your purpose. When your emotions take over or ‘hijack’ your brain, you become like a train that’s come off its rails…unpredictable, dangerous and the cause for people to run for their lives. If you know your temper is bad or your ability to manage your anxiety is poor, the best thing you can do is engage a coach or psychologist to help identify some strategies you can use to get things back on track.

By actively working on developing these three key elements to self mastery, you’ll be taking an important step toward developing yourself into a formidable leader, whether you have direct reports or not.