I delivered a presentation on emotional intelligence to a group of psychologists yesterday in what was a rich and interesting blend of models, measurement and application. Ironically I learned the most valuable lesson in emotional intelligence today….one that will change my application of emotional intelligence forever.

Here’s what happened

I was having trouble falling asleep last night, not feeling anxious but contemplating how long it would be before my grandmother finally passed away. She’d been unconscious for a couple of days, not eating or drinking – the end was near.

I awoke with a startle…my phone was ringing but just missed the call. I saw a message from my mum letting me know that my grandmother had passed away at 2 am this morning….she had finally let go. After speaking with my mum and discussing practicalities, there I was lying in my bed reminiscing the legacy that my Grandmother had created. She was a strong, positive, mischievous, and incredibly warm person. Tears streaming down my face and completely overwhelmed with emotion, my lovely daughter came into my room to say good morning. I couldn’t speak but I somehow managed to communicate that her Great Grandma had died. She didn’t say much but stayed with me for a couple of minutes while I pulled myself together.

Saturday is our busiest day typically, and today was no different. I bundled everyone into the car and put on my taxi driver’s hat for the day (all the parents out there know exactly what I’m talking about here).

Later on, in the afternoon my daughter delivered the most beautiful note along with a half-consumed bottle of ice tea and a candy that prompted a few more tears for the day. Here is the note:

Heartwarming note written by my 8 year old daughter

Her note was so beautifully simple that it made me realise that the amount of complexity that we place around trying to explain, measure, predict and develop emotional intelligence is taking us further away from that which an 8 year-old-girl so effortlessly articulates. Her note is filled with empathy, understanding, compassion, and love. What’s more impressive is that she’s even enticed me with something to look forward to in the form of sugar!

Next time you’re struggling to articulate yourself when it comes to a deeply emotional or challenging topic, step back and simplify your message. As shown by my daughter through her choice of words, the most frequently used word in her note was LOVE. Emotional Intelligence is the application of love….no need to complicate things.

Emotional Intelligence in the real world: Keep it simple….keep it real