How much of what you say is true? To even attempt to answer that question, you first need to be keenly aware of the words and phrases you are using. This is especially important if you are in a leadership role with significant influence.

Today I had a kick-off coaching session (virtual of course) with a new client. She was providing me with an overview of her situation and what she’d like to address in our sessions together.

As I was listening I noticed a pattern emerge in her language when she said “I’m happy to take on the extra work…..” when referring to how busy and under-resourced she was. However, the way she said it indicated that she wasn’t happy at all. The second time I heard her say it, I asked her if that was actually true. Was she happy to take on the extra work?

After a long pause, she said, “No..I’m not actually happy at all”. She then wanted to talk more about why and the fact that asking her to do more work was unfair, at which point I brought her back to the simple truth of noticing the incongruence between the words she used and how she felt. The truth is, she isn’t alone. I think much of our self-talk and the well-rehearsed idioms we use in our everyday conversations don’t match what we actually feel. I also think it’s why many leaders fail to establish trust and credibility.

Much of our distress boils down to feeling helpless, undervalued, used, taken for granted or rejected. These feelings usually manifest when you don’t feel heard or you’re struggling to express what’s really going on for you. Next time you’re sharing your challenges with someone, take notice of the language you use and whether it matches what you feel.

This reflective process is critical in establishing your awareness as a leader. Without awareness, you can’t lead yourself. If you can’t lead yourself, there’s no chance anyone will follow you. When your words match your feelings, you are leading with the truth. When you lead with the truth, people listen.

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A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME

I’m fascinated with people, always have been and always will be. From a very early age, I keenly observed people, I was curious about what motivated them, what made them successful and why they made certain choices. This curiosity led me to study Psychology. After graduating with my Master of Organisational Psychology, I worked for Gallup, a global leader in engagement and strengths-based development. I became a strengths-based coach, engagement expert and worked with senior leaders all over the world.

If you’re curious about how I can help you personally or with the leadership of your team/organisation get in touch via my email: joe@joehart.com.au | website: joehart.com.au | Phone: +61425 224 825